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Struggling with being misunderstood / autistic burnout

k001

Hello, I'm 31 and was diagnosed with autism at the start of this year. I have had autistic burnout for over a year now, and still really struggling with feeling alone and misunderstood. My mum was the only family member I was somewhat close to but I'm feeling so disconnected to her and everyone. Every time I see my Mum I have a shut down and they seem to be getting worse and worse. My mum is kind and I know that she wants to help me, but she isn't consistent, and she just can't seem to get a real understanding of what my experience of life is. There was also a situation last year where I asked for her help in a social situation and she ignored it and then became defensive. I unmask the most with my Mum, so I think I'm always looking for her to be my 'safe' person. But she is so so different to me and I feel nothing I say is heard.

I have tried writing a letter to explain to my Mum what I'm struggling with and how I feel, but her response was quite generic and a bit dismissive. It feels unbearable to consistently be trying to be understood and never getting anywhere. I usually feel even worse after speaking - probably why my brain is shutting down in front of her. I don't know what to do with this relationship. I have been told by a therapist to maybe take a step back from her, but that doesn't feel possible either. I don't have any other family member or friend to go to instead. I also get this really terrible feeling that something awful is going to happen to her if I don't maintain the relationship, but I fear the relationship can only be on her terms.

I wonder what other autistics do when they don't have a 'safe' or close person? It feels like the end of the world as is really affecting my mental health.

Parents

  • Hey, stranger. I’m in my early 20s, have similar issues with my mom. My whole safety net, but I’ve gotten to an age where I’ve realised for a few years now that we have many differing opinions; realised we don’t really have the closeness I once thought we had.

    Outside of her, I don’t really have any ‘safe’ or close people; I have a few university supports, one counsellor I see whenever I can. I suppose my best support is a pet; a cat, in my case. Animals are quieter. Easier to understand.

    Sometimes I try to imagine my favourite fictional characters are alongside me. Not to replace real social interaction, but to essentially feel that ‘somebody else’ is parroting my own thoughts at me. That ‘somebody else’ is telling me what I need to do or what might make me happy in the moment. Maybe it sounds really silly, but I’ve recently found myself convinced to take a walk that I had beens second-guessing after shoving a silly prompt into Chatgpt to respond as, say, Captain America, about what to do about feeling unmotivated to take a walk (since ChatGPT essentially will just parrot back what you want to hear). It doesn’t replace real interaction (it can’t), but it lets you soundboard off of yourself through a favoured, safe, fictional medium. Again, like I said, it’s probably really silly, but it’s ‘tricked’ my brain to be a little more motivated.

    Another thing I do is reward myself for near everything. Get dressed even after spending most of the day in PJs? Sticker. Wash face? Sticker. I bribe myself like I’m in primary school. Sometimes the silliest, lighthearted things work.

Reply

  • Hey, stranger. I’m in my early 20s, have similar issues with my mom. My whole safety net, but I’ve gotten to an age where I’ve realised for a few years now that we have many differing opinions; realised we don’t really have the closeness I once thought we had.

    Outside of her, I don’t really have any ‘safe’ or close people; I have a few university supports, one counsellor I see whenever I can. I suppose my best support is a pet; a cat, in my case. Animals are quieter. Easier to understand.

    Sometimes I try to imagine my favourite fictional characters are alongside me. Not to replace real social interaction, but to essentially feel that ‘somebody else’ is parroting my own thoughts at me. That ‘somebody else’ is telling me what I need to do or what might make me happy in the moment. Maybe it sounds really silly, but I’ve recently found myself convinced to take a walk that I had beens second-guessing after shoving a silly prompt into Chatgpt to respond as, say, Captain America, about what to do about feeling unmotivated to take a walk (since ChatGPT essentially will just parrot back what you want to hear). It doesn’t replace real interaction (it can’t), but it lets you soundboard off of yourself through a favoured, safe, fictional medium. Again, like I said, it’s probably really silly, but it’s ‘tricked’ my brain to be a little more motivated.

    Another thing I do is reward myself for near everything. Get dressed even after spending most of the day in PJs? Sticker. Wash face? Sticker. I bribe myself like I’m in primary school. Sometimes the silliest, lighthearted things work.

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