Why couldn't I have just been made normal?

Anybody else just really effing angry? Like, I never asked for this. I hate it. Autism and ADHD together? Oh, lucky me... not. 

I'm recently diagnosed and up until this point, I've spent years thinking I struggled with my mental health and that I could try therapies and medication to treat it and make myself better. To find out that the majority of this is actually Autism and ADHD and there's not a damn thing I can do to make them go away, is honestly just soul-destroying. I hate it. I hate what it's made me. It's the absolute worst thing aout me and it's ruining my life. 

Anybody else just wish they could have been made normal?

Parents
  • Sorry you feel so bad about it. 

    I can understand your anger after struggling for years thinking your mental health was the only problem. 

    I am in my 60s and was diagnosed ASD only last December and I’m on a waiting list for ADHD assessment. Unlike you, my diagnosis of ASD was a huge relief as it removed much of the guilt I carried for most of my life. I have spent years of my life undergoing psychotherapy and taking medications that should never have been prescribed, knowing what we know today. I am hopeful that a potential ADHD diagnosis would be an added bonus as it would fill in the remaining gaps of unexplained behaviour. 

    What is normal? Many of us here are late diagnosed ASD and ADHD/AuDHD and many of us would consider ourselves normal. Just because our brains function in a different way to the majority of the population does not make us abnormal. 

    Personally, I went through a period when I was really angry at having had most of my life ruined by non recognition of ASD and at being drugged by medication, some of which is so harmful it isn’t used these days. Now I know why I do the autistic things I do and knowing that they are nothing to be ashamed of, my mental health has improved significantly. I have learned lots from this forum, the NAS information pages, books and autism websites. I have picked up some useful strategies to improve my life. I still have moments when the anger recurs, but I realise that I can work only with what I have—this body and brain of mine, not somebody else’s.  

    Rant and rage all you need to on this site because it’s good to say what you feel. Hopefully you might come to a point where you recognise your value as a human being worthy of respect is not diminished by ASD/ADHD.

Reply
  • Sorry you feel so bad about it. 

    I can understand your anger after struggling for years thinking your mental health was the only problem. 

    I am in my 60s and was diagnosed ASD only last December and I’m on a waiting list for ADHD assessment. Unlike you, my diagnosis of ASD was a huge relief as it removed much of the guilt I carried for most of my life. I have spent years of my life undergoing psychotherapy and taking medications that should never have been prescribed, knowing what we know today. I am hopeful that a potential ADHD diagnosis would be an added bonus as it would fill in the remaining gaps of unexplained behaviour. 

    What is normal? Many of us here are late diagnosed ASD and ADHD/AuDHD and many of us would consider ourselves normal. Just because our brains function in a different way to the majority of the population does not make us abnormal. 

    Personally, I went through a period when I was really angry at having had most of my life ruined by non recognition of ASD and at being drugged by medication, some of which is so harmful it isn’t used these days. Now I know why I do the autistic things I do and knowing that they are nothing to be ashamed of, my mental health has improved significantly. I have learned lots from this forum, the NAS information pages, books and autism websites. I have picked up some useful strategies to improve my life. I still have moments when the anger recurs, but I realise that I can work only with what I have—this body and brain of mine, not somebody else’s.  

    Rant and rage all you need to on this site because it’s good to say what you feel. Hopefully you might come to a point where you recognise your value as a human being worthy of respect is not diminished by ASD/ADHD.

Children
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