30yrs of mess to untangle

Hi,

Currently at 46yo being assessed for neurodiversity.

I've 32 years of complicated mental health history and at no point did anyone think to check for neurodiversity until now.

Now that they are, I'm realising that autism is potentially the elusive explanation for how the last 32 years have played out and I'm struggling to contain intense distress over everything that could have been avoided if they'd figured this out before.

I should clarify that I've not completed the autism assessment process yet but it's been presented to me more as a 'lets get a comprehensive understanding of your autistic traits' than there being any doubt that I am Autistic.

Is there anyone that has been through similar?

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  • Hi there Monkeyclogs

    This really resonates with me. I have recently been diagnosed with autism and ADHD.

    I keep replaying one particular doctors appointment in my head. All the symptoms pointed to ND but I walked out with another prescription for antidepressants. It was 20 years ago. So now I think doctors are more aware of ND being a possibility.

    I just keep thinking if only she would have suggested possible ND what would life have been like.

    Part of me is afraid to go there but my therapist has said we need to.

    I'm 55 and I'm just thankful that my therapist made me aware that I might have ADHD. Now I am just trying to make the best of things and I'm trying to be more gentle and forgiving with myself.

    I hope this helps in some way.

  • Thank you for sharing, it does really help to know it's not just me.

    I honestly don't know how to even start untangling it. I'm looking back at a lifetime of psychiatric care, sometimes inpatient settings. There are so many distressing situations which, had they recognised autism was at play, could have been understood. Instead they labelled me with more and more diagnoses and prescribed more and more medication and then I seemed to get blamed for not 'getting better'.

    Everyone seems to be pleased they've finally figured it out and I'm more, "hang on, you mean none of that needed to happen"!?

  • I don't know what that would be like. But I feel sorry you had to go through it. Hopefully you can have a clear head now, with no drugs?

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