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What's your PDA?

Damojo

How does your persistent drive for autonomy (PDA) manifest itself? (Or pathological demand avoidance, as the medics call it.)

I suspect I might have a bit of it, but I'm not sure. I seem to have (and always had) an instinctive resistance to social pressure, rather than a desire not to do what someone asks:

  • I hate whatever is "fashionable". I will go out of my way to be unfashionable. Including, but not limited to:
    • Manufactured pop music (cause of my most recent meltdown)
    • Clothing trends (jeans and a T-shirt have done me since the 80s)
    • Reality TV shows (unless narrated by David Attenborough)
    • Anything made by Apple
    • New/wrong words or phrases (like "irregardless" or "going forward")
  • I refuse to do things "just because". There has to be a reason. I won't ...
    • Panic buy toilet roll when there's a pandemic
    • Eat at McDonald's (it's garbage)
    • Admire royalty
    • Wear fancy dress
    • Do the ice bucket challenge
    • (I make an exception for red wine; it is its own reason)
  • I hate whatever is heavily advertised. Sure, it might not be a bad product, but I'm not paying extra to fund being advertised at really irritatingly. If they persist, I'll make point of never buying their product—ever:
    • Gillette razors
    • Any major brand of washing powder and, even more-so, those capsules kids love to eat
    • Anything that solves a non-existent problem (bottled water, "detox" anything)
    • Kellogg's anything
    • Insurance comparison sites
    • Every single online gambling site (don't get me started on that one)

Anyone got anything like that? Is that even PDA or am I just a cranky old fart?

Parents

  • I think you have described more of an autistic personality than PDA. If you have decided there is no real logical reason you MUST follow the trends for the sake of copying everyone one else that definitely sounds autistic to me because I’m very similar. There will be times when everyone in society seems to be wearing the same brands on their clothing and I just don’t understand why?. I believe this is down to a difference in social motivation and NT’s are more inclined to follow suit to be part of the pack.

  • in reply to Autismman
    Autismman said:
    I think you have described more of an autistic personality than PDA

    Yeah,  (below) has been putting me straight. It's probably just my literal, black-and-white, less-socially-motivated, autistic brain. I see all the little logical fallacies in the ads, too, and they drive me insane. That makes everything seem like a con job to me and I refuse to cooperate or be taken in. Show me an ad and I'll show you where they're wrong or lying!

  • in reply to Damojo

    Oh I didn’t read their post, I probably should do that in future rather than recycling the post! I can understand where you are coming from though. I’ve been called an old grumpy man many a time but to me I’m just stating how I view the world and to me fashion isn’t normal, normal is choosing from internal wants and needs not external influences. At the same time I don’t want to appear to judge others for their choices so I keep my thoughts to myself unless I can trust the person won’t take it to heart and will just hear me out. 

Reply
  • in reply to Damojo

    Oh I didn’t read their post, I probably should do that in future rather than recycling the post! I can understand where you are coming from though. I’ve been called an old grumpy man many a time but to me I’m just stating how I view the world and to me fashion isn’t normal, normal is choosing from internal wants and needs not external influences. At the same time I don’t want to appear to judge others for their choices so I keep my thoughts to myself unless I can trust the person won’t take it to heart and will just hear me out. 

Children
  • in reply to Autismman

    Most people around me, just carry on as normal knowing I won't really understand what they're talking about, hopefully they find me charmingly niave rather than ignorant, but then I don't mix with many people and those who are obsessed with brands and the like would find me to uncool to be seen with anyway.

  • in reply to Damojo

    It’s very hard to explain your reasoning for objecting to social norms without coming across as rude or uninterested. And even when you do try it’s met with comments like “you are a grumpy old man” or head shakes and tuts. Although the uninterested part is true you aren’t allowed to say that you simply aren’t interested. I think it’s a very common autistic trait to not need the validation of others even when we live our lives going against the mainstream. 

  • in reply to Autismman
    Autismman said:
    I don’t want to appear to judge others for their choices so I keep my thoughts to myself unless I can trust the person won’t take it to heart and will just hear me out.

    I still get an awful lot of the, "Why can't you just ... ?!" or "You don't X? What's wrong with Xing?!"

    I don't have to say anything, or even think anything. The simple act of not performing the expected act is enough to get the wind up a lot of people. They seem to crave the validation of having everyone around them like what they like and do what they do and if I don't conform, I'm the problem—not their insecurities. And, of course, that only makes me dig my heels in even harder. If they keep going on, I'll start shutting down and do a lot of staring. Just try getting me to sing or dance, for example. That is not going to happen, sorry. (There might be a bit of a trauma thing going on with that example, too.)