Overwhelmed and behaving aggressive

Don't hit your head. Be kind to yourself, you are doing your best.

Have you tried breathing exercises. Half a dozen deep breaths, breathing out slowly, may help when it feels a bit much.

Thank you, its not being me harsh on myself, its feeling of relief when I do it. I used yo do it as a kid, during meltdowns when something was misplaced in my environment. Now the reason is different,  but it gives short relief. Then there is headache.

Thank you, its not being me harsh on myself, its feeling of relief when I do it. I used yo do it as a kid, during meltdowns when something was misplaced in my environment. Now the reason is different,  but it gives short relief. Then there is headache.

It sounds like you are describing a coping strategy and communication means which used to feel helpful when you were a kid as you tried to deal with a meltdown because of a sensory / emotion / frustrating issue.

Now, as an adult / mother / wifr: you need a different coping strategy and communication style to help you in a meltdown scenario.  Something which also helps to provide a feeling of relief (without the physical head injury).

There are at least three different audiences for your communication need (so just one means of communication would need to be clever to convey your meaning across the three audiences):

1) feedback to yourself,

2) to help your child know about playtime, or not, right now, and

3) to help your husband better realise "this is me; coping as best I know how with: a meltdown".

If you used to gain meltdown relief from the physical input of head banging ...what about trying jumping with a skipping rope or trampoline instead.  The advantage of the skipping rope is it is inexpensive and portable and can be used almost anywhere.

Your three audiences might see / hear / think about the communication differently:

1) yourself: there is lots more physical feedback information which is both good sensory noise and a distraction for the mind, you move between active and autopilot concentration, you hear and feel the ground contact, it raises your breathing, your heart rate and your blood circulation (you can better feel your hands and feet, you have control over the duration and how much energy you need to burn off / how tired you will feel when you stop, you arc keeping fit ...and you don't require medical attention afterwards,

2) your child: can see and hear you are (from their perspective) engaged in solo play.  They will learn that people using a skipping rope do so for a reasonably short while.  They may try and join in by themselves jumping up and down on the spot somewhere nearby - still in your line of sight (or they may animate one of their plushies to jump up and down with mummy).  Now, our "play" is: we are jumping up and down.

3) your husband: can learn to realise it means you are trying to handle big emotions as best you know how (not necessarily meaning just anger or aggressiveness).  He also needs to learn that you need some solo physical activity time to better manage your dysregulation.  It need not necessarily take very long - but you do need that timeout to yourself.

...I have an adult fitness / gym plastic skipping rope - it cost less than £10 and works quite well (you can easily just shove it into a corner of your bag when going outside of your home).

This is the type of skipping rope (I chose plastic because the one I had as a kid was natural rope and in wet weather ...it got heavy and then really hurt your legs if you were getting tired and the rope hit you by accident!):

www.argos.co.uk/.../3445837

This article talks more about other strategies and has links to other organisations and resources:

www.autism.org.uk/.../all-audiences

Best wishes.