F. O G. = Fear, Obligation, Guilt (FOG) impair setting effective boundaries.
The alexithymia of Autism clouds the vista.
Boundaries, long overdue, urgently need to be set.
But how best to go about the quest?
I am beginning to realise that; as part of finding a way of setting some seriously effective boundaries (to reduce my manipulation by others who should, but clearly do not, have my best interests at heart): somehow, I need to learn to battle my way through alexithymia to address misplaced FOG and set new industrial-strength boundaries.
When people supposedly close to us really want something from us - that can be a rare occasion when their true, toxic and manipulative character is revealed.
That process of revelation is really tough to acknowledge. It can feel like a visceral betrayal. Now is not the time to be sidetracked by that issue - that reflection period must be deferred.
The boundaries which necessarily must follow; are difficult to construct and demand supreme resolve to implement and maintain.
This is one of those times when I feel some serious education is required.
I have to get this right - as what preceded must not, cannot, be further endured.
This is not one of those "try it, review it, refine it" moments in life. I need my new boundaries to serve me well, first time, every time.
I am not considering the "if you wouldn't mind ...could you possibly ..." wishy-washy passive and consultative variety. Rather, I now need to draft boundaries to curtail and constrain the corrosive opportunities afforded others to erode my spirit, identity, confidence and sense of self-worth.
I must stop people relying upon my good auspices and taking me for granted - particularly, as there is no reciprocal support when I become the person in need.
Furthermore, the latest round of attempted manipulation being battled has the long-term potential to also detrimentally impact others in my household. That is a red line. Therefore, the boundaries may require some draconian features (from the viewpoint of an informed casual observer). So be it.
One potential positive, which may yet be in my favour: my instinct with the key manipulation perpetrators has been not to share with them my "lateling" Autism diagnosis. Hopefully, they are still cosseted in their customary cocoon of relying on their habitual playbook. They are unlikely to expect how much work I have invested, since my diagnosis, into better appreciating the challenge and its potential remedy.
If you have faced similar challenges, have flexed your boundary setting capabilities to an advanced level beyond my basecamp / entry point and are able to signpost any useful material - to aid my consideration, education and application of guard rails - that would be of considerable assistance (to help me to propel myself into "boundaries mode" ...even if the road surface of that journey ahead may not be ideal (timely performance needs to remain a higher priority than the luxury of perfection).
I do realise how (annoyingly) my "exactly what it is" scenario is opaque. It needs to remain so in this setting.
Thank you.
