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PDA, or Sticking to principles

TheCatWoman

I don't have PDA, although some people might of thought so at times, if one has principles and another wants you to go against them and you refuse, what then are you principaled or do you have PDA?

PDA is one of those terms I have problems with, I get that at it's severest it's diabeling, but it's a term I also hear being used about people and particularly children who are just being children. All children have to test the boundaries, especially when the first learn what a powerful word NO is, is a child who's refusing to wear socks for example exercising the word NO or do they have PDA? Refusing to do something and having a screaming fit when made to do it is a pretty normal part of growing up, as is misbehaving in teenage years, labelling someone as having PDA could mean that they're not being listened to or heard when something really is wrong. I was a school refuser, I just wouldn't go, I hated it and always did, I bunked for a couple of years at secondary school, they just couldn't get me stay in the building.

I was reading something a while ago about army prisons, when you get a sentence and a dishonourable discharge as part of it, you still have to do army things, like all the physical exercises and stuff, why do people not just say no? If they're going throw me out anyway why should I have to get up at dawn and do a run? I know my reply would have lots of FF's in it and I would not comply, what could they do to me beyond imprisoning me and giving me a discharge? Would that be PDA or the actions of someone thoroughly fed up?

Parents

  • Thanks EP, my fear is that PDA is suffering from mission creep and that perfectly normal behaviours are being pathologised. PDA is a term I here bandied around and I wonder if those doing the accusing are trying to make ND people feel less valid, that how they think and feel are somehow less valid, especially if they disagree with the professional who's using such terms.

    I might say no to doing something I enjoy, because I need to do something else first, being hassled to do it will make me stressed and anxious, and angry too. For example I may refuse to do something, because I need to go shopping and we have no dog food, or I may need to go and pick up a prescription and if I don't do it and get it made up I won't have my meds. I don't think these things are unreasonable, but they seem to be seen as unresonable by the person asking, the person asking isn't the one who's responsible for the shopping or collecting meds. It feels like when you're female and ND and an NT man asks you to do something everything must be dropped so as you can "go and be spontaneous".

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I think the term PDA is being over used. The slightest bit of demand avoidance is being coined as that term or as you describe other reasons for avoiding demands are being put in that category. I don't think deciphering between the two is easy, there can be so many reasons people may avoid demands. But it is also important not to take away from the experience of those that are truly PDA as I cannot imagine how difficult that must be to live with 24/7.

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  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I think the term PDA is being over used. The slightest bit of demand avoidance is being coined as that term or as you describe other reasons for avoiding demands are being put in that category. I don't think deciphering between the two is easy, there can be so many reasons people may avoid demands. But it is also important not to take away from the experience of those that are truly PDA as I cannot imagine how difficult that must be to live with 24/7.

Children
  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Not in my experience. Quite the opposite really. But that might be because of the job I do. I would say the majority of the population have never heard of PDA let alone have any idea what it means or be able to use it against someone. I don't think an NT person could use PDA against someone so as to use cohersive control as that would just be complete admission that you weren't trying to meet the needs of the PDA person at all.

  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    I wonder if its being used as a tool to have power over people? Like if someone asks you to do something they know you don't like and you say, 'no thanks', or even, 'no, why are you asking me again when you know the answer will be no?' is it you or them thats being unreasonable? PDA sounds like an accusation that is covering someones attempts at cohersive control, someone who's NT will be able to use something like this to validate their behaviour and invalidate your's and people will be more likely to believe the NT person, as they're "normal".

    I agree it must be hell for people who really have this condition.