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PDA, or Sticking to principles

TheCatWoman

I don't have PDA, although some people might of thought so at times, if one has principles and another wants you to go against them and you refuse, what then are you principaled or do you have PDA?

PDA is one of those terms I have problems with, I get that at it's severest it's diabeling, but it's a term I also hear being used about people and particularly children who are just being children. All children have to test the boundaries, especially when the first learn what a powerful word NO is, is a child who's refusing to wear socks for example exercising the word NO or do they have PDA? Refusing to do something and having a screaming fit when made to do it is a pretty normal part of growing up, as is misbehaving in teenage years, labelling someone as having PDA could mean that they're not being listened to or heard when something really is wrong. I was a school refuser, I just wouldn't go, I hated it and always did, I bunked for a couple of years at secondary school, they just couldn't get me stay in the building.

I was reading something a while ago about army prisons, when you get a sentence and a dishonourable discharge as part of it, you still have to do army things, like all the physical exercises and stuff, why do people not just say no? If they're going throw me out anyway why should I have to get up at dawn and do a run? I know my reply would have lots of FF's in it and I would not comply, what could they do to me beyond imprisoning me and giving me a discharge? Would that be PDA or the actions of someone thoroughly fed up?

Parents

  • My understanding is that PDA is very different to sticking to principles and that the anxiety of a demand is the same severity as a panic attack. It isn't just about things you feel strongly about. It is any kind of demand, including things like come and eat your breakfast. It even stretches to things the person wants to do but once they are told do it, it feels like a demand and then they feel unable to do the thing they enjoy.

    All humans can be demand avoidant when it is something they fear or do not like and I think this is particularly common with neurodivergent folk. I think this is more what you are describing in your example. Saying no because you don't want to do a thing or feel strongly against the thing is a different issue. I think neurodivergency makes saying no in these situations more common because a lot of us (certainly not all) are less likely to be confirming to social norms. This, however, is very different to PDA. The fear and panic in PDA is from the demand itself no matter how small it actually enjoyable the demand may be. It is not to do with anxiety or a dislike of the thing itself.

    I certainly couldn't speak for whether you yourself have PDA. I don't know enough about you. But the example you've described doesn't say PDA to me because it is simply something you wouldn't want to do. I'm also pretty stubborn when it comes to something like that. Think about something you really enjoy - if someone told you you had to go and do that thing right now would you be excited or filled with anxiety and your brain shut down to a no. If you would be excited, it is unlikely you have PDA. Now I've massively over simplified that as obviously someone with autism may need processing time etc to be able to go and do the thing they enjoy and that is different to PDA as it is about routine and planning and not about the demand itself. It's a complex condition so I'm just trying to break it down to show the difference. Sorry if I've made it more confusing.

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  • My understanding is that PDA is very different to sticking to principles and that the anxiety of a demand is the same severity as a panic attack. It isn't just about things you feel strongly about. It is any kind of demand, including things like come and eat your breakfast. It even stretches to things the person wants to do but once they are told do it, it feels like a demand and then they feel unable to do the thing they enjoy.

    All humans can be demand avoidant when it is something they fear or do not like and I think this is particularly common with neurodivergent folk. I think this is more what you are describing in your example. Saying no because you don't want to do a thing or feel strongly against the thing is a different issue. I think neurodivergency makes saying no in these situations more common because a lot of us (certainly not all) are less likely to be confirming to social norms. This, however, is very different to PDA. The fear and panic in PDA is from the demand itself no matter how small it actually enjoyable the demand may be. It is not to do with anxiety or a dislike of the thing itself.

    I certainly couldn't speak for whether you yourself have PDA. I don't know enough about you. But the example you've described doesn't say PDA to me because it is simply something you wouldn't want to do. I'm also pretty stubborn when it comes to something like that. Think about something you really enjoy - if someone told you you had to go and do that thing right now would you be excited or filled with anxiety and your brain shut down to a no. If you would be excited, it is unlikely you have PDA. Now I've massively over simplified that as obviously someone with autism may need processing time etc to be able to go and do the thing they enjoy and that is different to PDA as it is about routine and planning and not about the demand itself. It's a complex condition so I'm just trying to break it down to show the difference. Sorry if I've made it more confusing.

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