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Getting used to a dog

pdaddio83

I have been struggling this past week because we have a new dog in the family. The reason I feel so stressed out and on edge all the time now is because I never actually wanted a dog, ever. My family have been pestering me for years, particularly my ASC daughter. However, I never grew up with dogs and am actually kind of freaked out by them, I never know what to expect from them. After a lot of talking over with my wife (who loves dogs, she's the other main voice on that side), I finally relented and we picked him up from the shelter last weekend.

I've now gone through a whole range of mixed emotions, from thinking this might be ok when he's calm, to thinking my life/marriage is over because I can't cope. I even had a meltdown on the 3rd day because the dog "bit" me (not actually, but exploring with his mouth while I was trying to stroke him), I couldn't take the uncertainty anymore. 

At this point I can start to see patterns now and understand the dog a bit better. But I know this isn't good enough, I do need to take joint responsibility too . I'm still scared to go near him when he's all jumpy and overexcited, and I don't want to live in fear in my own home. Currently there are times I have to force myself to be nice to him, it just does not feel natural to me.

Has anyone else ever had to go through something like this? I think things might be normalising slowly, but I need to imagine that my life will get better when I've had absolutely no previous experience of this.

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  • When I was a teenager, my household inherited an adult dog from a family who were no longer able to keep the animal.

    We hadn't had a dog before and I was apprehensive about the whole idea.

    Although the dog had been really well trained by the previous family, the dog still needed to learn about (and adapt to) the difference in energy levels of the characters in our household.  Not least of which ...me!

    I found the less I "spoke" with or instructed the dog and the more I simply spent time with the dog (doing "my" version of hobbies and just "being" my way) - then the quicker the dog was able to observe my ways and join in on my terms and tune-in accordingly.

    Before long, the dog had become a quick study and would demonstrate their adapted joining in with me (appropriate to me and often in quite a different style to their time spent in the company of others in our household). 

    We used to spend a lot of time just "being" and pottering about life's chores and pastimes.  The dog became welcome company.

    We learned to trust each others instincts about our environment and work together as a reliable team - if we decided something needed investigating.

    When the dog found it was time for seeking some more high energy / rambunctiousness - they tended to stand up, shake out their ears and wander off to borrow all of that with one of the other characters within the household.  No drama. 

    They would tend to pootle back my direction later on - when my vibe seemed like a good idea once again.

    Summary:

    Try "saying" less to the dog and just prioritise sharing "your true self as a character" more with the dog - so they can observe, understand and find ways of matching-in with your personal style of doing things and energy level of just "being".

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  • When I was a teenager, my household inherited an adult dog from a family who were no longer able to keep the animal.

    We hadn't had a dog before and I was apprehensive about the whole idea.

    Although the dog had been really well trained by the previous family, the dog still needed to learn about (and adapt to) the difference in energy levels of the characters in our household.  Not least of which ...me!

    I found the less I "spoke" with or instructed the dog and the more I simply spent time with the dog (doing "my" version of hobbies and just "being" my way) - then the quicker the dog was able to observe my ways and join in on my terms and tune-in accordingly.

    Before long, the dog had become a quick study and would demonstrate their adapted joining in with me (appropriate to me and often in quite a different style to their time spent in the company of others in our household). 

    We used to spend a lot of time just "being" and pottering about life's chores and pastimes.  The dog became welcome company.

    We learned to trust each others instincts about our environment and work together as a reliable team - if we decided something needed investigating.

    When the dog found it was time for seeking some more high energy / rambunctiousness - they tended to stand up, shake out their ears and wander off to borrow all of that with one of the other characters within the household.  No drama. 

    They would tend to pootle back my direction later on - when my vibe seemed like a good idea once again.

    Summary:

    Try "saying" less to the dog and just prioritise sharing "your true self as a character" more with the dog - so they can observe, understand and find ways of matching-in with your personal style of doing things and energy level of just "being".

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