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Getting used to a dog

pdaddio83

I have been struggling this past week because we have a new dog in the family. The reason I feel so stressed out and on edge all the time now is because I never actually wanted a dog, ever. My family have been pestering me for years, particularly my ASC daughter. However, I never grew up with dogs and am actually kind of freaked out by them, I never know what to expect from them. After a lot of talking over with my wife (who loves dogs, she's the other main voice on that side), I finally relented and we picked him up from the shelter last weekend.

I've now gone through a whole range of mixed emotions, from thinking this might be ok when he's calm, to thinking my life/marriage is over because I can't cope. I even had a meltdown on the 3rd day because the dog "bit" me (not actually, but exploring with his mouth while I was trying to stroke him), I couldn't take the uncertainty anymore. 

At this point I can start to see patterns now and understand the dog a bit better. But I know this isn't good enough, I do need to take joint responsibility too . I'm still scared to go near him when he's all jumpy and overexcited, and I don't want to live in fear in my own home. Currently there are times I have to force myself to be nice to him, it just does not feel natural to me.

Has anyone else ever had to go through something like this? I think things might be normalising slowly, but I need to imagine that my life will get better when I've had absolutely no previous experience of this.

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  • I'm not sure this is going to be what you were after but here goes...

    I was always terrified of dogs as a kid. It didn't help that I had a paper round where I would cycle around the village with a luminous yellow bag. I seem to think I may have been chased once, but managed to cycle away. At some point I seem to have mostly gotten over it. Maybe because of friends having a dog that was extremely timid, maybe interacting with them more, I'm honestly not sure. I'm not saying that will happen with everyone, but it is possible for fears to subside. I think it is particularly more likely if you are around dogs you get to know, know how they react for the specific dogs and as individuals, and that are well trained. No two dogs are the same, but there are common traits they can have.

    So being terrified of dogs as a kid, somehow getting over it, friends having dogs, when I went through an extremely tough period and ended up with my social circle in tatters, I started thinking on it more. I've lived alone for a long time, but this new period was very isolating. The perks of a dog were looking good. A companion that's always there, something to keep me busy, gets me out and about walk, gets me talking to people when I'm out. I discussed it with some close friends and family, and the main flaw they saw was the breed I was fixed on.

    So I got a beagle. He is now 10 months old, has far too much energy, is easily distracted, and has done exactly what I wanted. He has kept me busy (even if that's because he's been driving me mad), he's kept me company, he's been entertaining, he's gotten me out of the house, he's given me motivation, he's given me social interactions I would have never had, he's given me conversation starters, and many other things.

    You mentioned a shelter so I'm assuming it's a rescue. Is it still a puppy?

    My advice would be to try get involved in the training. It might help you, and it will definitely help the dog. Do it when the dog is calmer to start with as it's easier on both you and the dog, start with basics, and keep training short. Sit is probably the most useful. My brother has a great dane which is massive. It came running up to me once and I still flinched. One of the things he said was, if a dog is running towards you, tell it to sit. It's the command they hear the most and what they have the most practice in.

    For the biting, if the dog is playing or whatever and gets it's teeth on your skin, even if it didn't hurt you, let out a yelp and walk out of the room or face away from it. The yelp is what they and their siblings would have done, so it's signalling that they hurt you and they shouldn't do that. The walking out of the room or facing away is to link doing something wrong to end of play time.

    If it's a food motivated dog, feeding time is an ideal time for training, especially restraint training. It also gives you a routine then to make sure the dog (and you) are training every day.

Reply

  • I'm not sure this is going to be what you were after but here goes...

    I was always terrified of dogs as a kid. It didn't help that I had a paper round where I would cycle around the village with a luminous yellow bag. I seem to think I may have been chased once, but managed to cycle away. At some point I seem to have mostly gotten over it. Maybe because of friends having a dog that was extremely timid, maybe interacting with them more, I'm honestly not sure. I'm not saying that will happen with everyone, but it is possible for fears to subside. I think it is particularly more likely if you are around dogs you get to know, know how they react for the specific dogs and as individuals, and that are well trained. No two dogs are the same, but there are common traits they can have.

    So being terrified of dogs as a kid, somehow getting over it, friends having dogs, when I went through an extremely tough period and ended up with my social circle in tatters, I started thinking on it more. I've lived alone for a long time, but this new period was very isolating. The perks of a dog were looking good. A companion that's always there, something to keep me busy, gets me out and about walk, gets me talking to people when I'm out. I discussed it with some close friends and family, and the main flaw they saw was the breed I was fixed on.

    So I got a beagle. He is now 10 months old, has far too much energy, is easily distracted, and has done exactly what I wanted. He has kept me busy (even if that's because he's been driving me mad), he's kept me company, he's been entertaining, he's gotten me out of the house, he's given me motivation, he's given me social interactions I would have never had, he's given me conversation starters, and many other things.

    You mentioned a shelter so I'm assuming it's a rescue. Is it still a puppy?

    My advice would be to try get involved in the training. It might help you, and it will definitely help the dog. Do it when the dog is calmer to start with as it's easier on both you and the dog, start with basics, and keep training short. Sit is probably the most useful. My brother has a great dane which is massive. It came running up to me once and I still flinched. One of the things he said was, if a dog is running towards you, tell it to sit. It's the command they hear the most and what they have the most practice in.

    For the biting, if the dog is playing or whatever and gets it's teeth on your skin, even if it didn't hurt you, let out a yelp and walk out of the room or face away from it. The yelp is what they and their siblings would have done, so it's signalling that they hurt you and they shouldn't do that. The walking out of the room or facing away is to link doing something wrong to end of play time.

    If it's a food motivated dog, feeding time is an ideal time for training, especially restraint training. It also gives you a routine then to make sure the dog (and you) are training every day.

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