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New baby

NAS81473

Hello hello 

I have just had a baby everything seems geared at the minute about baby massage baby yoga skin to skin these are all things that I keep having to explain I feel comfortable with it's making it harder every time I have to explain myself regarding this and I don't know what to do what this is where my partner picks up the slack but it just feels overwhelming all of the time and heighten sensory as well 

I am struggling to know what I can do to build a relationship with him. I have the word bond I don't feel instant love etc 

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Hi

    I have just been told by a assessor at mental health that I have ADHD. This morning they called and said medicating me. No after care just drugs.

    I have very bad lows when I am bad. Partner says it worst than I have every been. I have not yet been to any play groups although they keep annoying me to sign up. I also found having a early years worker useful to have off local council to help and now a ot from different area mental health team. I think there trying to get ppl off the list by fobbing me off with group therapy aft said I need 1 to 1.

    I believe you can get sign I can pig on pram about coming near me as I did venture out every person head in pram or near me it's called personal space and he's my baby.

    Thanks all x

  • in reply to Asparagus

    I agree about a lot of baby classes being for mums, but theres nothing wrong with that as long as you're not being pressurised into going. 

  • I was undiagnosed when I had my twins 2 years ago. 

    My opinion - the baby massage / baby yoga / baby classes are all just an excuse for NT mums to get out of the house and socialise, and it didn't work for me. 

    The first most important thing is that your baby is looked after - safe sleeping, feeding, changing etc 

    Then yourself - advocate for what your needs are - unbroken sleep, physical recovery, help with practical tasks (bottles, laundry), a chance to step out for a coffee alone

    As  says - push back on visitors until you feel ready. And when they do visit, it should be on your terms.

    About the bond - I don't think I ever had a "bond" with my babies, I was just constantly worried about them and then after the first year, they began interacting and speaking and that's when the "bond" really started. And then you'll just love your child more and more as the weeks pass (and they pass quickly!) 

  • Back when I was a new parent and exhaustion and overwhelm and concern and stress were taking their toll, I used to ask myself, "Would I rather be doing something else?" The answer was easy: "No."

    Maybe reduce your involvement in group activities like baby massage and yoga and have your partner take on those and show you the ropes when you are able. You don't need to "build a relationship" with your baby, just give him cuddles.

    Congratulations to you all!

  • Hi there. Sorry for the delay in posting, I don't tend to venture outside of the Autistic Adults  section so missed your post.

    How are you doing?

    I had a 6 week admission to a Mother and Baby Unit post-natally - because I had post-natal depression. There is such pressure about bonding to our new babies: despite the sleep deprivation, pressure to do everything and pressure to play this new role.

    I found it incredibly difficult when my children when they were babies. But I think that that is okay and that what I did was enough. My favourite age in their younger years was when they were 3, then 7, then 11, and now when they are 17 and 23.

    You are going to be okay. Get lots of support. Message me if I can help.

    xx Mrs Snooks

  • Don't worry lots of people don't feel an instant bond, it will come just give it time. Having a baby is a hell of a thing, especially your first, it may take some time for you to physically get over the birth enough to feel you have any energy for your baby. It's hard when everyone keeps telling you things and everyone has to put their pennies worth in. 

    Are you at home yet? If you are then limit the number of people who come round to midwives and one of two relatives a day, you need to rest and catch up with yourself.