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Losing your safe person

SummerBerries

Hey guys. I'll try explain in the least amount of words.' Im autistic. My partner of 4 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago. It was "amicable", as in there was no screaming arguments or anything. He decided we weren't the same people as when we met and we had "drifted apart" (Although I never saw this and was blindsided). But that means I'm still in love with him. Additionally, my ex was the only person I unmasked around. He was my safe person. Before we met I was extremely miserable all the time because I had nothing happy in my life. Even my best friend I cannot fully unmask around. I now feel so so alone and like I've been put back in a box. Idk how to move on from my ex when he was the only person I was myself around. I feel like a piece of me is missing now and in a deeper way than just the relationship breakup. I only have my best friend and my mum, my circle is very small. And I honestly don't know how to keep going when I genuinely believe my life will not get better. I can't work full time, I can't form connections, and now I can't even share my autistic rambles and "weirdness". I don't think anyone else will ever get me. I just really don't see a reason to live when I believe the happiest time of my life is over and I will never experience it again.

So to my fellow Neurodivergents, have you been in a similar situation losing your safe person and struggling to see any future? Any advice?

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  • I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. I haven’t any advice that will make what you feel go away except to say don’t fight what you feel. Stay with the feeling and acknowledge that you are wounded. Time can heal much of what we feel when we are wounded, although you will not forget what you are now missing.

    In the weeks ahead, you can eventually begin to think about what can be done to make your life better and to build on your existing small circle of your Mum and best friend.

    My situation is different to yours but my best friend died two years ago. We shared so many similar things and I could talk to her about anything. I have a couple of friends I occasionally see, but I could never share much about how I really feel as we just don’t have that deep connection. I miss my best friend very much and much of the time I am isolated, of my own choosing, yet I yearn for a deep connection with someone who would be a friend and who wouldn’t make me feel exhausted in his or her company. I will always miss my best friend but time has allowed healing to take place.

    Life will always be different for you but given time, you can get through this.

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  • I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. I haven’t any advice that will make what you feel go away except to say don’t fight what you feel. Stay with the feeling and acknowledge that you are wounded. Time can heal much of what we feel when we are wounded, although you will not forget what you are now missing.

    In the weeks ahead, you can eventually begin to think about what can be done to make your life better and to build on your existing small circle of your Mum and best friend.

    My situation is different to yours but my best friend died two years ago. We shared so many similar things and I could talk to her about anything. I have a couple of friends I occasionally see, but I could never share much about how I really feel as we just don’t have that deep connection. I miss my best friend very much and much of the time I am isolated, of my own choosing, yet I yearn for a deep connection with someone who would be a friend and who wouldn’t make me feel exhausted in his or her company. I will always miss my best friend but time has allowed healing to take place.

    Life will always be different for you but given time, you can get through this.

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