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Liking yourself

Longbeakedechidnas

I've been diagnosed for a while but recently I have been struggling so much with sensory issues to the point where, most days, I feel completely debilitated by them, and I am finding it harder and harder to like myself when it feels like my brain is trying to betray me. I've previously struggled with suicidal thoughts and it scares me how close they feel to consuming me again when coping day to day is becoming so difficult. If anyone has any advice on how to even tolerate the more 'ugly' sides of autism, it would be greatly appreciated :)

  • Dear Longbeakedechidnas,  

    Thank you for posting and telling the community what you are going through. We are sorry to hear that you are currently close to feeling consumed by suicidal thoughts. It is good that you’ve let us know how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.     

     If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support . 

    The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. We advise you to contact 999 or any of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page if you are at risk of immediate harm: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help  

    If you are not at immediate risk of harm, we would encourage you to speak to your GP or another health professional about this if you haven’t done so already. If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service. In England, Wales and Scotland there is now an option to speak with mental health professionals by selecting ‘option 2’ when calling NHS 111: https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/  

    You may also find the following useful:  

    Help for anyone struggling to cope  

    • Samaritans: Call 116 123 for free, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.  
    • Mind Infoline: 0300 1233393 for information and signposting (9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday)   
    • SANEline: 0300 304 7000 for anyone experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else (4.30pm to 10.30pm, every day)  
    • Shout 85258: a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone struggling to cope.  

    We hope this is helpful to you.  

    Kind regards 

    Rosie Mod  

  • Hey there Longbeakedechidnas!

    So sadly suicidal ideation is very common amongst those of us with ASD. I’ve dealt with it as well (and rather recently, too). You’re definitely not alone when it comes to dealing with scary thoughts.

    If sensory issues are your primary source of pain, may I suggest trying to focus your attention on sensations that you enjoy? Like, I severely dislike smoke, sand, getting in and out of the shower, rough or tight clothing, etc. But there are so many sensations that I enjoy such as the smell of lilac, the sight of a lava lamp, the feeling of spinning something between my fingers, and so on. You might have to face the sensations that you have aversions to on a day to day basis, but you can try to fill your life with more of the sensations that bring you joy as well. If you need will to live beyond the painful aversions, then one thing that might help is to look for more and new sensations that you might enjoy.

    You may also think about bringing this up to your GP? It’s possible there might be treatments or medications that can help, but we can’t really recommend any here.

    I hope you can break the cycle of pain and find joy in the positive aspects of Autism. I’m wishing you the best.