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I noticed that...

Alien0n3arth

I noticed that since I know, what is stimming and that many autistic and other neurodivergent people stim constantly, i start feeling shame while stimming in public, it comes to my mind, that others may think of me that I'm autistic,  although I don't have such diagnosis. Before I heard many times, that I should stop doing these weird things but I didn't care and just answered something like leave me alone or I'm doing it with my own hands not with yours etc. But now I feel annoyed by my own stimming. I don't know what to do. I stim automatically, I rock, I stim with my fingers, pull my skin etc. I should probably stop thinking about it but somehow can't, it's maybe only in my head. I can't stop stimming because it feels like there is too much energy in me, it shakes me from inside and I would explode. Does anyone suppress stimming? How to cope? Is it even possible? I feel weird when sitting on the playground, my daughter plays, other kids too, other parents chat and laugh and I'm the only weirdo sitting eith earplugs and rocking on the sides or back forth.

Parents

  • I stim pretty mildly. I bounce my leg, fidget with my fingers, and stick out my tongue often, but only when I am really stressed/happy/angry I flap my hands. Most of my stims can be hidden, but since my diagnosis I am very conscientious of them.

    Your example of feeling shame at the park is actually kind of funny to me because I JUST experienced that yesterday when I took my Autistic daughter to the park. There was a “perfect dad” pushing his “perfect daughter” on the swings and they were playing together and it initially filled me with shame, because I was staring at my phone stimming with my leg bouncing and my daughter C was playing in the dirt just outside of the playground by herself.

    But you know what I realized? Neither of us were upset. C was perfectly content and I was doing okay. If it weren’t for my stimming I’d be a nervous wreck, and if I were a nervous wreck and hovering over C she wouldn’t have had as much fun planting seeds in the dirt.

    In short, no, I don’t suppress my stimming. It doesn’t matter what other people think of your stimming. What matters is if it helps you.

  • in reply to profdanger

    Thank you for your answer. It’s something unusual for me, to be worried what others think about me, I never cared much about that and now it’s something like obsessive fear, that someone may think that I’m autistic. Not that I’m weird, I’m used to this one. Yes it helps me a lot. My grandma pushed a lot that I stop it, she tried to force me to stop doing these repetitive movements with hands or legs, stop rocking etc. she said: calm down! But exactly I was calm while doin it. When she forced me to sit still, I started crying and shaking. I couldn’t stand it. It felt to me like abuse actually. She always says that I look like insane and people may think I’m psychically sick. I didn’t care at that time. Unfortunately now I have this kind of fear.

Reply
  • in reply to profdanger

    Thank you for your answer. It’s something unusual for me, to be worried what others think about me, I never cared much about that and now it’s something like obsessive fear, that someone may think that I’m autistic. Not that I’m weird, I’m used to this one. Yes it helps me a lot. My grandma pushed a lot that I stop it, she tried to force me to stop doing these repetitive movements with hands or legs, stop rocking etc. she said: calm down! But exactly I was calm while doin it. When she forced me to sit still, I started crying and shaking. I couldn’t stand it. It felt to me like abuse actually. She always says that I look like insane and people may think I’m psychically sick. I didn’t care at that time. Unfortunately now I have this kind of fear.

Children
  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    Oof I’m sorry you had to endure that. That sounds awful. From time to time my wife stops me from bouncing my legs, but that’s just because sometimes I can get so worked up it’ll shake the entire car, lol. Otherwise I’ve never really had to suffer someone telling me to stop.

    So you’ve only recently been ashamed of your stimming? Do you know what changed that has made you feel that way?