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Suicidal.

Zeb

Hi,

I'm a 27 year old male recently diagnosed with autism, which has made a lot of sense of the great difficulties I have faced - my sensitivity both with senses and emotions, and my tendency to be obsessive.

I've struggled with anxiety, panic attacks and depression for many years now and feel my best days are far behind me.  I'm very isolated, and it's hard to break out due to my fear of going to new places and meeting new people.

I feel that I don't belong in this world, and I have been battling deep emotional pain that I can't cope with, and I have been feeling suicidal for a long time.  I am getting to the point now where I have made plans, but it's not at all easy to face dying.  It's a catch 22 between facing the pains of life and the terror of death.

I feel very little hope and battle every day through these feelings of pointlessness and dread, and I don't know how much longer I can go on for.

I've been through the mental health services and my only hope is to pursue support from autism services, to see if with any assistance, I can feel that life is worth living again.  Maybe if I could find some kind of community and build more routine and belonging into my life, there might be hope.  It's so hard to meet new people and make friends.

Parents

  • I totally understand what you’re going through. I feel the same pointlessness but actually deciding to do anything about it would involve more effort than I could manage. I would just like to stop ‘being’. I had a cancer diagnosis earlier this year and was disappointed that it was caught early enough. I wanted to die without me having to be proactive. That’s pretty sick, right? I feel the need to say here that I am not a danger to myself or others (because there is likely to be someone reading these forums who is going to report you to the police ‘for your own safety’) 

Reply

  • I totally understand what you’re going through. I feel the same pointlessness but actually deciding to do anything about it would involve more effort than I could manage. I would just like to stop ‘being’. I had a cancer diagnosis earlier this year and was disappointed that it was caught early enough. I wanted to die without me having to be proactive. That’s pretty sick, right? I feel the need to say here that I am not a danger to myself or others (because there is likely to be someone reading these forums who is going to report you to the police ‘for your own safety’) 

Children
  • in reply to Kitty_E

    I'm sorry you're struggling badly too.  It seems the main reason we're still here is that it's too terrifying to face the necessary action to end our lives (not to mention the probability of failure too).  I've not yet had any police attention from my Internet activity, but in the autumn last year I was taken home by police because I was standing on a footbridge over a dual carriageway, watching the cars go by.  I told them the truth that I was suicidal, but wouldn't actually jump from the bridge because it probably wouldn't work and only result in horrendous injury.  I'm a very squeamish person and can't tolerate any level of blood - as you can imagine, that's very "helpful" for a suicidal person indeed!!!