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Suicidal.

Zeb

Hi,

I'm a 27 year old male recently diagnosed with autism, which has made a lot of sense of the great difficulties I have faced - my sensitivity both with senses and emotions, and my tendency to be obsessive.

I've struggled with anxiety, panic attacks and depression for many years now and feel my best days are far behind me.  I'm very isolated, and it's hard to break out due to my fear of going to new places and meeting new people.

I feel that I don't belong in this world, and I have been battling deep emotional pain that I can't cope with, and I have been feeling suicidal for a long time.  I am getting to the point now where I have made plans, but it's not at all easy to face dying.  It's a catch 22 between facing the pains of life and the terror of death.

I feel very little hope and battle every day through these feelings of pointlessness and dread, and I don't know how much longer I can go on for.

I've been through the mental health services and my only hope is to pursue support from autism services, to see if with any assistance, I can feel that life is worth living again.  Maybe if I could find some kind of community and build more routine and belonging into my life, there might be hope.  It's so hard to meet new people and make friends.

Parents

  • Hey Zeb, i understand everything you described, the deep emotional pain, anxiety and depression, finding it hard to be able to go into new places and trying to meet new people, feeling isolated and struggling with those feelings on a daily basis, it resonates deeply with me. i have been through all of those things myself, and i am sure there are lots of people like us that that feel the same way, your best years are not far behind you, they are yet to come, you are only 27, i wish i was your age again. you do belong in this world, its just about finding the right group of people and feeling like you belong and are accepted and have people around you that understand, and have direction in your life. it is hard to meet new people and make friends, but its not impossible, and there are groups online and offline that exist, its just about finding the right ones that you feel comfortable in, and they are there. you have made a start by coming on this forum and telling people how you feel. you have a long life ahead of you, you might be in a lot of emotional pain now, and it has been that way for a long time, it was the same for me, but in the future you will look back and you will be glad you never carried out any plans to hurt yourself, please don't try. i am sure there are a lots of friendly people on this forum you could talk to.

  • in reply to Изгнан

    Hi there (apologies I can't type cyrilic), Many thanks for your kind reply.  I can only hope you are right, although I am terrified by the idea of a long life, I'm so freaked out about how to get through the next few days, through this episode, let alone all the struggles I'll face in the years to come!  I can't possibly face another 50 years with these problems... 

    My only coping tool currently is walking, and my feet are blistered, but they'll have to take me many more miles ahead...

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  • in reply to Изгнан

    Hi there (apologies I can't type cyrilic), Many thanks for your kind reply.  I can only hope you are right, although I am terrified by the idea of a long life, I'm so freaked out about how to get through the next few days, through this episode, let alone all the struggles I'll face in the years to come!  I can't possibly face another 50 years with these problems... 

    My only coping tool currently is walking, and my feet are blistered, but they'll have to take me many more miles ahead...

Children
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