Shutdown and withdrawal

I had a massive meltdown and shutdown yesterday and today I'm in that withdrawal period where I want to leave every social group. I've closed down my socials on Warcraft and blocked all the people I had on my list, disbanded the guild I was running, and shut down the related Discord group. I've also told my partner that I want to be alone today and upset her. I don't even know if I want to carry on the relationship.

I feel nothing, and I know I'm going to hate myself for this when all this passes, but right now I feel that if anyone tried to reach out to me I'd push them away because I'd just do more damage if I let them in. I'm supposed to be having a therapy session tonight at 6pm but I don't know if I'll have the energy to go. I typed an email to the counsellor to say that I won't be able to make it and would transfer payment as it's within the 24hr cancellation period, but I left it in drafts. I just don't know if it's worth going because she's not ND trained and although she's good at what she does and tries to understand, I don't think she'd be able to help me and it could make things worse. 

It's also really hot outside so I don't want to go out and am sat here at my laptop with a fan blowing on me and the curtains drawn. I feel very lost today.

Parents
  • Don't give up on your conseeling altogether, just because you're ND and she's NT dosen't mean that there's not stuff to talk about that's common to all of us.

    Bit in the meantime take as much time as you need, be a wounded lion for a while and curl up in your cave and heal, regain your strength, don't make any big desicions, just park stuff for later. I've literally had be coaxed out from under a table when I've had a meltdown in the past. I've found it so bewildering that people don't understand why I've felt so hurt and misunderstood, years later I came to the conclusion that it really was them and not me. Hang on in there.

Reply
  • Don't give up on your conseeling altogether, just because you're ND and she's NT dosen't mean that there's not stuff to talk about that's common to all of us.

    Bit in the meantime take as much time as you need, be a wounded lion for a while and curl up in your cave and heal, regain your strength, don't make any big desicions, just park stuff for later. I've literally had be coaxed out from under a table when I've had a meltdown in the past. I've found it so bewildering that people don't understand why I've felt so hurt and misunderstood, years later I came to the conclusion that it really was them and not me. Hang on in there.

Children
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