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What is there to hope for?

PaulS

Hi,

I'm a 52 year old computer engineer who talks IRL\online every day when at work, but has never asked a question online to complete strangers. Forgive me for spelling, grammar, over sharing - I've not done anything (recently) that is causing me as much stress as this is doing. :)

I'm really not happy. I've failed at pretty much all of life. Although I'm seemly intelligent, I'm unable to perform the most basic of social tasks without freaking out and\or running away.

I'm at rock bottom again. Although I've been here in the past and it's really not nice living without hope, I managed to build a foundation i.e. somewhere to place and fill a structure then start to rebuild and someday hopefully manage to feel part of this world. What I needed was an anchor, somewhere to fall back to, to feel safe, have a place to stand whilst I tried to obtain some self worth.

In the past I used family and what little friends I had, to form a bedrock. A reason to try again, to find a reason that I can build upon. I need a reason, (beyond mere hope that things will change for the better), to get out of bed in the morning and start to try to make another connection with the world.

For a normal person, this would be incredibly difficult to find. My conditions i.e. I'm austic, asexual and my other biological problem that makes virtually any kind of social relationship almost impossible. I'm quite bad a small talk, I have no interests beyond tech.

Any suggestions would be gratefully received.

Cheers,

Paul

Parents

  • Hi Paul, not sure if you are new but welcome to the community. I hope you make some connections. I'm into PC games, not sure if this is something that is interesting to you? Probably a similar age, I'm also not much of a social creature and certainly do not enjoy small talk, I try to avoid if possible. What help are you looking for, not quite clear?

  • in reply to White_Dragon

    Thanks for replying.  I'm 52, have practically no connections with any outside my immediate family and a few old work colleagues.  I've not made many good connections with people outside of work.

    I'm terrible with people I don't know.  Just this step, this interaction is causing me to panic. Slight smile

    I'm trying to find a reason to want to connection with the world again and this is why I need to reach out.  Also, I started back with a mild expensive therapist and I said I'd try this post. Stuck out tongue

  • in reply to PaulS

    Thanks for replying Paul hopefully I’m not too scary despite my dragon like appearance Grinning sorry to hear about your struggles. I’m ok with written stuff myself but not good generally face to face and terrible in groups. What games do you like? I’m into RPG stuff and strategy games.

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  • in reply to PaulS

    Thanks for replying Paul hopefully I’m not too scary despite my dragon like appearance Grinning sorry to hear about your struggles. I’m ok with written stuff myself but not good generally face to face and terrible in groups. What games do you like? I’m into RPG stuff and strategy games.

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