What is there to hope for?

Hi,

I'm a 52 year old computer engineer who talks IRL\online every day when at work, but has never asked a question online to complete strangers. Forgive me for spelling, grammar, over sharing - I've not done anything (recently) that is causing me as much stress as this is doing. :)

I'm really not happy. I've failed at pretty much all of life. Although I'm seemly intelligent, I'm unable to perform the most basic of social tasks without freaking out and\or running away.

I'm at rock bottom again. Although I've been here in the past and it's really not nice living without hope, I managed to build a foundation i.e. somewhere to place and fill a structure then start to rebuild and someday hopefully manage to feel part of this world. What I needed was an anchor, somewhere to fall back to, to feel safe, have a place to stand whilst I tried to obtain some self worth.

In the past I used family and what little friends I had, to form a bedrock. A reason to try again, to find a reason that I can build upon. I need a reason, (beyond mere hope that things will change for the better), to get out of bed in the morning and start to try to make another connection with the world.

For a normal person, this would be incredibly difficult to find. My conditions i.e. I'm austic, asexual and my other biological problem that makes virtually any kind of social relationship almost impossible. I'm quite bad a small talk, I have no interests beyond tech.

Any suggestions would be gratefully received.

Cheers,

Paul

Parents
  • Dear PaulS,

    You are my nemesis (because your only interests are tech)......and yet you are also my PROFOUND brother (because of all the other things that you say, and how you say them - above and below!)

    I am immersed and dissolved into other matters at the moment........but I just feel [genuinely] compelled to say hi (quickly) and to reassure you that, no matter how hopeless and bad you "think" your current circumstances are, some of us here have suffered VERY similar / worse........and survived!  Life can (and probably will) improve, brother!

    Congratulations and respect to you.....for dipping your toe / chancing your arm......in this conceptual "bear pit" of "forum life!"  The fact that you have reached the point where you felt able/"reluctantly willing" to do so......in my opinion..... is a VERY promising omen for your soul.

    I'll be back to you as soon as I am able.  In the meanwhile, I offer you my friendship and warmth (purely based on my impression of your soul - on the scant evidence that you have presented, thus far.)  I hope my words here give you some degree of comfort and hope that this place might (just about) be OK for you to be around.

    Warm regards to you

    Number.

Reply
  • Dear PaulS,

    You are my nemesis (because your only interests are tech)......and yet you are also my PROFOUND brother (because of all the other things that you say, and how you say them - above and below!)

    I am immersed and dissolved into other matters at the moment........but I just feel [genuinely] compelled to say hi (quickly) and to reassure you that, no matter how hopeless and bad you "think" your current circumstances are, some of us here have suffered VERY similar / worse........and survived!  Life can (and probably will) improve, brother!

    Congratulations and respect to you.....for dipping your toe / chancing your arm......in this conceptual "bear pit" of "forum life!"  The fact that you have reached the point where you felt able/"reluctantly willing" to do so......in my opinion..... is a VERY promising omen for your soul.

    I'll be back to you as soon as I am able.  In the meanwhile, I offer you my friendship and warmth (purely based on my impression of your soul - on the scant evidence that you have presented, thus far.)  I hope my words here give you some degree of comfort and hope that this place might (just about) be OK for you to be around.

    Warm regards to you

    Number.

Children
No Data