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What is there to hope for?

PaulS

Hi,

I'm a 52 year old computer engineer who talks IRL\online every day when at work, but has never asked a question online to complete strangers. Forgive me for spelling, grammar, over sharing - I've not done anything (recently) that is causing me as much stress as this is doing. :)

I'm really not happy. I've failed at pretty much all of life. Although I'm seemly intelligent, I'm unable to perform the most basic of social tasks without freaking out and\or running away.

I'm at rock bottom again. Although I've been here in the past and it's really not nice living without hope, I managed to build a foundation i.e. somewhere to place and fill a structure then start to rebuild and someday hopefully manage to feel part of this world. What I needed was an anchor, somewhere to fall back to, to feel safe, have a place to stand whilst I tried to obtain some self worth.

In the past I used family and what little friends I had, to form a bedrock. A reason to try again, to find a reason that I can build upon. I need a reason, (beyond mere hope that things will change for the better), to get out of bed in the morning and start to try to make another connection with the world.

For a normal person, this would be incredibly difficult to find. My conditions i.e. I'm austic, asexual and my other biological problem that makes virtually any kind of social relationship almost impossible. I'm quite bad a small talk, I have no interests beyond tech.

Any suggestions would be gratefully received.

Cheers,

Paul

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  • I hope many of us here, within this online Community, will quickly lose our status as complete strangers (as you get to know us and, likewise, we get to know you too).

    Some among us here; are interested in computing / tech, (as a personal interest / current careers / previous careers), others may passionately prefer their lives to be as tech-free as possible.  (It is all good).  That said, what enables our dialogue; as this online community: is actually tech (with sometimes the foibles and frailties to grumble over in solidarity too: tech-lovers and tech-haters alike!).

    When it comes to suggestions: I wondered if you had any recent experience of joining any professional organisations?  (These days, it tends to be a bit less about (in person) exposition / exhibition / trade show events and formal dinners plus a Speaker).

  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25

    Thanks for replying.  I've been trying to get out more, but after a long life with a whole heap of negativity\abuse from the outside world, I'm spent on talking to anyone I don't need to - I'm not trying to be nasty, it's just the amount of pain when any social interaction goes awry, just adds to the daily weight on my back.

    This is the first serious time I've tried to talk to strangers in a couple of decades,  beyond being a goofball at work.

  • in reply to PaulS

    Also, I went to see my GP and told her the severity of where I have found myself n she sent me some links. Today I have ref myself for talking therapy. From the links I have also found a local ND group I knew nothing about. I have emailed them and it will be taking place 2nd Wed of the each month, in the evening. These things have given me hope. 
    Last night, I went to the cinema and with a stranger, which worked well because you don’t have to interact Rofl 

    I had to be cautious tho because I now know I am vulnerable to abuse but in knowing that I think I can protect myself better from being manipulated.

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  • in reply to PaulS

    Also, I went to see my GP and told her the severity of where I have found myself n she sent me some links. Today I have ref myself for talking therapy. From the links I have also found a local ND group I knew nothing about. I have emailed them and it will be taking place 2nd Wed of the each month, in the evening. These things have given me hope. 
    Last night, I went to the cinema and with a stranger, which worked well because you don’t have to interact Rofl 

    I had to be cautious tho because I now know I am vulnerable to abuse but in knowing that I think I can protect myself better from being manipulated.

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