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What is there to hope for?

PaulS

Hi,

I'm a 52 year old computer engineer who talks IRL\online every day when at work, but has never asked a question online to complete strangers. Forgive me for spelling, grammar, over sharing - I've not done anything (recently) that is causing me as much stress as this is doing. :)

I'm really not happy. I've failed at pretty much all of life. Although I'm seemly intelligent, I'm unable to perform the most basic of social tasks without freaking out and\or running away.

I'm at rock bottom again. Although I've been here in the past and it's really not nice living without hope, I managed to build a foundation i.e. somewhere to place and fill a structure then start to rebuild and someday hopefully manage to feel part of this world. What I needed was an anchor, somewhere to fall back to, to feel safe, have a place to stand whilst I tried to obtain some self worth.

In the past I used family and what little friends I had, to form a bedrock. A reason to try again, to find a reason that I can build upon. I need a reason, (beyond mere hope that things will change for the better), to get out of bed in the morning and start to try to make another connection with the world.

For a normal person, this would be incredibly difficult to find. My conditions i.e. I'm austic, asexual and my other biological problem that makes virtually any kind of social relationship almost impossible. I'm quite bad a small talk, I have no interests beyond tech.

Any suggestions would be gratefully received.

Cheers,

Paul

Parents

  • Good morning, Paul,

    Thank you for posting; it is a trying time, one I am sure many would sympathise with. I in no way want to diminish your anguish by reducing your words to just four, but if it were me, I would start with what I have quoted from your text underneath.

    PaulS said:
    For a normal person

    If you use this bat to judge yourself, your journey will continue to be rocky. It isn't even a factual statement. You are a completely normal human being; the symptoms and behaviours to which you refer are entirely in line with your conditions. What follows are my suggestions.

    1. Make an appointment with your G.P. to discuss medication or a similar therapy for what could be depression. Again, this condition is closely aligned with the neurodiverse community. This is something that you may already have attended to.

    2. Contact one of the moderators through the NAS; I apologise, but I do not know how to do it. I imagine the solution will have been added by the time you read this. The moderators have a tremendous list of resources to get you back on track.

    3. If you are tech-savvy (if you are in I.T., I am sure you are), get yourself an auto-correct; if the spelling, grammar, etc. thing is going to bother you (it shouldn't), then spend plenty of time on here with like-minded people. 

    4. I don't know if you are a motivation kind of guy, but I have listened to the thousands of times: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwfhH8yDZQo

    Keep your chin up, pal.

    B&I

Reply

  • Good morning, Paul,

    Thank you for posting; it is a trying time, one I am sure many would sympathise with. I in no way want to diminish your anguish by reducing your words to just four, but if it were me, I would start with what I have quoted from your text underneath.

    PaulS said:
    For a normal person

    If you use this bat to judge yourself, your journey will continue to be rocky. It isn't even a factual statement. You are a completely normal human being; the symptoms and behaviours to which you refer are entirely in line with your conditions. What follows are my suggestions.

    1. Make an appointment with your G.P. to discuss medication or a similar therapy for what could be depression. Again, this condition is closely aligned with the neurodiverse community. This is something that you may already have attended to.

    2. Contact one of the moderators through the NAS; I apologise, but I do not know how to do it. I imagine the solution will have been added by the time you read this. The moderators have a tremendous list of resources to get you back on track.

    3. If you are tech-savvy (if you are in I.T., I am sure you are), get yourself an auto-correct; if the spelling, grammar, etc. thing is going to bother you (it shouldn't), then spend plenty of time on here with like-minded people. 

    4. I don't know if you are a motivation kind of guy, but I have listened to the thousands of times: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwfhH8yDZQo

    Keep your chin up, pal.

    B&I

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