I feel an almost disconnect. I'm me but is the person I see in the mirror me? Obviously it is but it feels somewhat remote, it's almost the same with my name, which I've had my whole life.
When I'm stressed or overly tired it just seems so much worse, although it can be nice to tune out for a while.
I was once prescribed a low dose antipsychotic along with a SSRI to help me sleep, it didn't help but it did give me some depersonalisation side effects, they were less than fun, especially when you struggle with a sense of self to start with.
It now seems that everything in the world has gone wrong, it's like there's been a massive step backwards.
As a teen I used to do things that I didn’t register at all. For example put my favorite CD into the fridge (instead of food) and I didn’t realize it was CD. Then I had meltdowns whenever I saw that something was missing on my shelf. It was usually me replacing my own belongings in a dissociative state. But I had a very strong emotional connection to my belongings, I couldn’t cope with the fact it wasn’t there. My family thinks I just grew out of this but they have no idea how much effort I put to stop it. Dissociations are highly stressful for me.
I feel like this most of the time. Just sort of going through life wondering if everything else is just a dream or some sort of play.....always feel it worse when stresses are high in my life. Do you feel better when you are calmer? When I'm calm it always feels easier, more 'real'.
I’m my whole life dissociative. It was much stronger in my childhood. Now, as I’m trying to be more present, I face more intense sensory issues etc. as a kid I remember myself wondering if other people are real or just actors in a movie. In my childhood it was really bad.
