• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 9 subscribers
  • Views 1006 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Stress after (very positive) date

hypercolius

Hi,

I made a post here a few days ago worrying about a date, which happened yesterday. 

Despite my concerns, we spent a very positive 7 hours together, including eating at a restaraunt and just walking a lot together. She was extremely sweet and positive and seemed very relaxed (as if I'd be able to tell). One time though, I let my concerns through a little- I wrote her a lot last week in response to a ton of messages she sent me and she didn't respond. She assured me she would respond to those messages, and I tried to make it look like I was worried about something else (in reality I got really scared because my mother told me that if a girl found out about my Asperger's or my worries, she would lose interest). Another time, I nearly fainted and she expressed alarm at that. During today said she wanted to visit the Lake District with me. 

We ended up walking around a bit in the dark on purpose. Then when she was seeing me off at the station, I touched her hair and sort of stroked it past her ear. She seemed to enjoy that a lot, and, after saying she wanted to visit me where I lived, she hugged me and asked me to write her when I got home. Today, she got tickets to see me in around two weeks.

I absolutely adore this girl. When we were walking at sunset, the sunlight got into her hair and made it glow. 

So, today she got the tickets and we were texting about where I could take her, but then she wrote a really brief response. She did tell me she would be busy with coursework today, but things like that alarm me as I then immediately assume I upset or offended her somehow. 

I really don't want to lose this lovely person. And I'm really scared I will. I know I shouldn't be worried, but I really am. This date was unlike anything I ever experienced or imagined was possible with myself, and I wanted to keep it that way. 

Parents

  • Congrats on the successful first date.

    hypercolius said:
    then she wrote a really brief response. She did tell me she would be busy with coursework today, but things like that alarm me as I then immediately assume I upset or offended her somehow. 

    She gave you an explanation so there is no cause for alarm. Don't overthink it.

    Try to let the relationship develop without focussing on every detail otherwise you will smother it. Try to be more of a passanger, enjoy the good stuff and deal with the questions as and when they arise, not before.

    Your anxiety i also likely to snowball if you cannot find ways to cool it down and this will sour the mood too easily - I would suggest getting help with our anxiety and overthinking as it can easily spill over into obsession.

    Do you have a therapist you can speak with? You will need someone who understand autistic anxiety as it does not responde well to most neurotypcal approaches from what I have seen.

    Things look good so far - it is early days and she seems quite accepting. You acknowledge you are worried so I suggest learning to be the best you that you can be and getting your anxiety under control seems the logical first step to me.

Reply

  • Congrats on the successful first date.

    hypercolius said:
    then she wrote a really brief response. She did tell me she would be busy with coursework today, but things like that alarm me as I then immediately assume I upset or offended her somehow. 

    She gave you an explanation so there is no cause for alarm. Don't overthink it.

    Try to let the relationship develop without focussing on every detail otherwise you will smother it. Try to be more of a passanger, enjoy the good stuff and deal with the questions as and when they arise, not before.

    Your anxiety i also likely to snowball if you cannot find ways to cool it down and this will sour the mood too easily - I would suggest getting help with our anxiety and overthinking as it can easily spill over into obsession.

    Do you have a therapist you can speak with? You will need someone who understand autistic anxiety as it does not responde well to most neurotypcal approaches from what I have seen.

    Things look good so far - it is early days and she seems quite accepting. You acknowledge you are worried so I suggest learning to be the best you that you can be and getting your anxiety under control seems the logical first step to me.

Children
No Data