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Lack of support from my husband

David93

Hello,

Im 37 years old, my whole life I was struggling with certain issues, just to find out few years ago that it might be autism. Last month I was officially diagnosed with autism. 

I am married, and we are 12 years together. We have nice marriage and we’ve always been a support to each other - until I got my diagnosis. 

He isn’t talking it seriously, and he is even mocking me. He doesn’t want to talk about it or read the documents that I got from the professional. He is calling me “pu**y”, being dramatic, spoiled, telling me to man up, saying that autism isn’t real and a “first world” problem, a trend... Few days ago he accidentally broke a plate and he said “oh, look, I'm autistic, hahaha”

It really hurts, often makes me cry. This is the first time I don’t know how to talk to him. We usually don’t fight often, but when we do, it could easily be avoided if he would understand some of my traits. 

It is especially hard, because we moved to the UK just 4 years ago, I don’t have any friends here - no one that I could talk to. I feel incredibly lonely, and I am becoming more and more depressed (which I never was before). Friends that I have abroad - I don’t feel comfortable bothering them with my issues, because they have bigger problems than me. Also, I don’t know anyone who is autistic.

Last year, I paid for a few psychotherapy sessions, but it didn’t help in any way.

Did anyone experience similar problems with the closest family? Any ideas or suggestions what to do and how to cope with this? 

Parents

  • Hi!

    Many things have already been said and I agree; this is not okay. Your situation sounds very tense and at some point you might want to consider taking a break from each other. 
    This makes it even more important for you to connect with others. Do you have any interests that you could engage in by joining a club? It is much easier to connect with people through shared interests. Maybe there’s a support group for autistic adults in your area? Even staying in contact with people from this forum is a very good start.

    I’m very sorry you have to experience such a negative response to your diagnosis. I myself do not have an official diagnosis as I didn’t dare to get assessed yet because I still live with my parents (I recently turned 19 and am in the 13th grade in Germany). I once talked to them about my suspicions regarding autism (mainly because teachers and friends had this idea while other students just assumed that I am autistic) and the answer I got was that “everybody these days has got their little something” and “no, I once knew an autistic guy and he was so different from you”, despite constantly pointing out, making fun of or joking about how strange and awkward I am. So I’m now waiting to move out and get my own health insurance so they don’t have to know it from the beginning.

  • in reply to Emmalephant

    I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this as well, it must be difficult. Do you have people who you can talk to locally? I have one friend who is adhd and bipolar who I can chat with luckily and it helps that we have a mutual understanding about neurodiversity. 

Reply Children
  • in reply to Emmalephant

    Good to hear you have some support, and how amazing that your friend recognised you were struggling on your trip and got you somewhere you could have some time out. 

  • in reply to Take5

    Thanks! I’m managing. I also know someone who’s adhd and she is one of the people who suggested to me I might be autistic. It took a few years but by now I’m starting to accommodate myself a bit (like wearing headphones, avoiding situations I know I won’t be comfortable with whenever possible and stuff like this). My parents are a bit difficult when it comes to this, but many of the people around me are very supportive when I do those things (e.g. I was very overwhelmed while visiting the British Museum on our final class trip so a friend lead me outside and sat down with me, allowing me to just burry my head for a second). It sounds like you’re experiencing something similar? I hope you’re alright!