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Lack of support from my husband

David93

Hello,

Im 37 years old, my whole life I was struggling with certain issues, just to find out few years ago that it might be autism. Last month I was officially diagnosed with autism. 

I am married, and we are 12 years together. We have nice marriage and we’ve always been a support to each other - until I got my diagnosis. 

He isn’t talking it seriously, and he is even mocking me. He doesn’t want to talk about it or read the documents that I got from the professional. He is calling me “pu**y”, being dramatic, spoiled, telling me to man up, saying that autism isn’t real and a “first world” problem, a trend... Few days ago he accidentally broke a plate and he said “oh, look, I'm autistic, hahaha”

It really hurts, often makes me cry. This is the first time I don’t know how to talk to him. We usually don’t fight often, but when we do, it could easily be avoided if he would understand some of my traits. 

It is especially hard, because we moved to the UK just 4 years ago, I don’t have any friends here - no one that I could talk to. I feel incredibly lonely, and I am becoming more and more depressed (which I never was before). Friends that I have abroad - I don’t feel comfortable bothering them with my issues, because they have bigger problems than me. Also, I don’t know anyone who is autistic.

Last year, I paid for a few psychotherapy sessions, but it didn’t help in any way.

Did anyone experience similar problems with the closest family? Any ideas or suggestions what to do and how to cope with this? 

Parents

  • This isn't ok.  Maybe he is trying to joke it off or make light of it as he thinks that's the right thing to do and might help.  It's going to be tough but you are going to need to ask him to sit down and talk to you about it.

    I was diagnosed a couple of years ago, although my husband is supportive it has taken him a while to get his head around some things.  At one point I do remember him saying something like I seemed more autistic since my diagnosis.  So we had a conversation around masking and my need to be comfortable unmasking around him, he's starting to get it.  He's also read some of the Luke Beardon books and various articles I sometimes send him to try and be able to understand/help.  Sadly you say your husband doesn't want to do that.

    Being autistic is part of who you are, that person is the person your husband fell in love with.  He needs to talk to you and support you.

    Take care!

Reply

  • This isn't ok.  Maybe he is trying to joke it off or make light of it as he thinks that's the right thing to do and might help.  It's going to be tough but you are going to need to ask him to sit down and talk to you about it.

    I was diagnosed a couple of years ago, although my husband is supportive it has taken him a while to get his head around some things.  At one point I do remember him saying something like I seemed more autistic since my diagnosis.  So we had a conversation around masking and my need to be comfortable unmasking around him, he's starting to get it.  He's also read some of the Luke Beardon books and various articles I sometimes send him to try and be able to understand/help.  Sadly you say your husband doesn't want to do that.

    Being autistic is part of who you are, that person is the person your husband fell in love with.  He needs to talk to you and support you.

    Take care!

Children
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