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Lack of support from my husband

David93

Hello,

Im 37 years old, my whole life I was struggling with certain issues, just to find out few years ago that it might be autism. Last month I was officially diagnosed with autism. 

I am married, and we are 12 years together. We have nice marriage and we’ve always been a support to each other - until I got my diagnosis. 

He isn’t talking it seriously, and he is even mocking me. He doesn’t want to talk about it or read the documents that I got from the professional. He is calling me “pu**y”, being dramatic, spoiled, telling me to man up, saying that autism isn’t real and a “first world” problem, a trend... Few days ago he accidentally broke a plate and he said “oh, look, I'm autistic, hahaha”

It really hurts, often makes me cry. This is the first time I don’t know how to talk to him. We usually don’t fight often, but when we do, it could easily be avoided if he would understand some of my traits. 

It is especially hard, because we moved to the UK just 4 years ago, I don’t have any friends here - no one that I could talk to. I feel incredibly lonely, and I am becoming more and more depressed (which I never was before). Friends that I have abroad - I don’t feel comfortable bothering them with my issues, because they have bigger problems than me. Also, I don’t know anyone who is autistic.

Last year, I paid for a few psychotherapy sessions, but it didn’t help in any way.

Did anyone experience similar problems with the closest family? Any ideas or suggestions what to do and how to cope with this? 

Parents

  • You are still the person you were before diagnosis. My wife has a "everyone is a little autistic" attitude which I feel is a little invalidating, although in her case I'm sure it's more than a little. 

    I came to the party later than most and have managed to figure most things out, although I do stubble from time to time.

    Do you think your husband is being "difficult" because he doesn't know how to process the information or does he think if he ignores it, it will go away. I assume you have always had issues but you now just have a name for it, so ultimately what's changed?

    You now have a starting point. Finding someone to explore things with is helpful, I speak to a psychologist to help me navigate my thoughts and feelings.

    Look in your local area for an autism support group and push your GP to help. NHS support is spotty at best when it comes to autism but they can help on the mental health aspect to a degree.

    Good luck and take care 

Reply

  • You are still the person you were before diagnosis. My wife has a "everyone is a little autistic" attitude which I feel is a little invalidating, although in her case I'm sure it's more than a little. 

    I came to the party later than most and have managed to figure most things out, although I do stubble from time to time.

    Do you think your husband is being "difficult" because he doesn't know how to process the information or does he think if he ignores it, it will go away. I assume you have always had issues but you now just have a name for it, so ultimately what's changed?

    You now have a starting point. Finding someone to explore things with is helpful, I speak to a psychologist to help me navigate my thoughts and feelings.

    Look in your local area for an autism support group and push your GP to help. NHS support is spotty at best when it comes to autism but they can help on the mental health aspect to a degree.

    Good luck and take care 

Children
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