Lack of support from my husband

Hello,

Im 37 years old, my whole life I was struggling with certain issues, just to find out few years ago that it might be autism. Last month I was officially diagnosed with autism. 

I am married, and we are 12 years together. We have nice marriage and we’ve always been a support to each other - until I got my diagnosis. 

He isn’t talking it seriously, and he is even mocking me. He doesn’t want to talk about it or read the documents that I got from the professional. He is calling me “pu**y”, being dramatic, spoiled, telling me to man up, saying that autism isn’t real and a “first world” problem, a trend... Few days ago he accidentally broke a plate and he said “oh, look, I'm autistic, hahaha”

It really hurts, often makes me cry. This is the first time I don’t know how to talk to him. We usually don’t fight often, but when we do, it could easily be avoided if he would understand some of my traits. 

It is especially hard, because we moved to the UK just 4 years ago, I don’t have any friends here - no one that I could talk to. I feel incredibly lonely, and I am becoming more and more depressed (which I never was before). Friends that I have abroad - I don’t feel comfortable bothering them with my issues, because they have bigger problems than me. Also, I don’t know anyone who is autistic.

Last year, I paid for a few psychotherapy sessions, but it didn’t help in any way.

Did anyone experience similar problems with the closest family? Any ideas or suggestions what to do and how to cope with this? 

Parents
  • Hi David and welcome to the forum

    I get very little support from my partner (in fact no support would be closer to the truth) I am undiagnosed atm and have to wait until July for my assessment. I have 2 children one of which has been diagnosed autistic last December. My partner originally suggested that I have very similar traits to my son but as I have done much research and came to the realisation she is not interested in talking about it. I was told never to speak about it again…. That was over 18 months ago. We did briefly discuss it a few months ago and I was told that she cannot support me because she knows me too well, she offers much support to people at her workplace as she (in her words) has little connection to them. 
    She also refuses to read any books or educate herself on the subject.

    For those reasons my partner doesn’t even know I’m on the waiting list for the assessment. 

    I mostly get told I’m weird and sometimes in a heated discussion been told I’m a freak. I know that’s just a reaction in the moment but it hurts.

    I can’t offer any advice I’m afraid as I have just learned to live with it but I feel your sadness and I’m sorry that you have to endure this. 

    I hope you can work things out

Reply
  • Hi David and welcome to the forum

    I get very little support from my partner (in fact no support would be closer to the truth) I am undiagnosed atm and have to wait until July for my assessment. I have 2 children one of which has been diagnosed autistic last December. My partner originally suggested that I have very similar traits to my son but as I have done much research and came to the realisation she is not interested in talking about it. I was told never to speak about it again…. That was over 18 months ago. We did briefly discuss it a few months ago and I was told that she cannot support me because she knows me too well, she offers much support to people at her workplace as she (in her words) has little connection to them. 
    She also refuses to read any books or educate herself on the subject.

    For those reasons my partner doesn’t even know I’m on the waiting list for the assessment. 

    I mostly get told I’m weird and sometimes in a heated discussion been told I’m a freak. I know that’s just a reaction in the moment but it hurts.

    I can’t offer any advice I’m afraid as I have just learned to live with it but I feel your sadness and I’m sorry that you have to endure this. 

    I hope you can work things out

Children
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