Lack of support from my husband

Hello,

Im 37 years old, my whole life I was struggling with certain issues, just to find out few years ago that it might be autism. Last month I was officially diagnosed with autism. 

I am married, and we are 12 years together. We have nice marriage and we’ve always been a support to each other - until I got my diagnosis. 

He isn’t talking it seriously, and he is even mocking me. He doesn’t want to talk about it or read the documents that I got from the professional. He is calling me “pu**y”, being dramatic, spoiled, telling me to man up, saying that autism isn’t real and a “first world” problem, a trend... Few days ago he accidentally broke a plate and he said “oh, look, I'm autistic, hahaha”

It really hurts, often makes me cry. This is the first time I don’t know how to talk to him. We usually don’t fight often, but when we do, it could easily be avoided if he would understand some of my traits. 

It is especially hard, because we moved to the UK just 4 years ago, I don’t have any friends here - no one that I could talk to. I feel incredibly lonely, and I am becoming more and more depressed (which I never was before). Friends that I have abroad - I don’t feel comfortable bothering them with my issues, because they have bigger problems than me. Also, I don’t know anyone who is autistic.

Last year, I paid for a few psychotherapy sessions, but it didn’t help in any way.

Did anyone experience similar problems with the closest family? Any ideas or suggestions what to do and how to cope with this? 

Parents
  • Given my personal experience of a bad relationship (we were 11 years together) I'm getting a few alarm bell ringing here. Obviously anything I say is clouded by my own past history so may not apply to you.

    Being isolated from friends and family, then having a partner/husband start mocking and insulting you sounds like abuse. Or at least the potential start of abuse.

    I'd strongly advise you to reconnect with your friends abroad, even if you think they have their own problems. You don't need to go into too much detail about what's going on, but I think you should let them know you're struggling. Also, I think you need to try to make some friends of your own closer to home. Having time away from each other may give you both a break and strengthen your connection again. 

    I'm definitely not saying you should divorce or anything like that. Just get a little breathing space. Couples' therapy has also been mentioned and is something you might want to explore.

    As I said: my judgement is influenced strongly by my own experiences, but it does sound like a worrying direction for a relationship to take.

Reply
  • Given my personal experience of a bad relationship (we were 11 years together) I'm getting a few alarm bell ringing here. Obviously anything I say is clouded by my own past history so may not apply to you.

    Being isolated from friends and family, then having a partner/husband start mocking and insulting you sounds like abuse. Or at least the potential start of abuse.

    I'd strongly advise you to reconnect with your friends abroad, even if you think they have their own problems. You don't need to go into too much detail about what's going on, but I think you should let them know you're struggling. Also, I think you need to try to make some friends of your own closer to home. Having time away from each other may give you both a break and strengthen your connection again. 

    I'm definitely not saying you should divorce or anything like that. Just get a little breathing space. Couples' therapy has also been mentioned and is something you might want to explore.

    As I said: my judgement is influenced strongly by my own experiences, but it does sound like a worrying direction for a relationship to take.

Children
No Data