How do you get through an entire day? I live with family which means I'm stuck in this miserable room on my own with no one to talk to. Before my relative retired, I could at least go in the garage, or make some food/coffee in the kitchen, which helped to break up the monotony. I was desperate for a cup of coffee yesterday so I went out to the next city (a two hour round trip) and had dinner there (but I really can'y afford to keep this up). I then spent the next few hours walking about 8 miles simply just to pass the time away. It was uncomfortable due to the cold. I suffer from a lot of tiredness and so I did very well to manage this. I was knackered when I got back.
I did practically sod all in November/December. In all that time I visited a friend in another city twice and had a catch up with someone I'd not seen in a while. This month (February) has actually been oddly busy, what with me finally remembering to go to a community group meeting, as well as a TV producer wanting to buy some video from me, a large national newspaper wanting an interview, and a friend ringing to inform me that half his city was cordoned off due to a bomb scare - I've never put the phone down and rushed off anywhere with my camera so quickly! I did very well with that given that I was loaded up on sleeping pills! Still, despite the excitement of this month, that has probably only filled up less than 10% of my time. The rest of it is sat in here, with nothing but a computer for company.
I try and sleep during the day as then I can make food/coffee/etc during the night. This is difficult at times because 1) I don't sleep very well any more, and 2) Sometimes I need to be up during the day in order to do things - e.g. I went to Leeds on Saturday and I'm hoping to go to Manchester this coming Saturday. It is difficult to switch your sleep pattern at a moments notice. Even if I am up at night, I still have to pass the time away and deal with intrusive thoughts. So here I am, listening to music far too loud through headphones, loaded up on sleeping pills and pain killers, while trying to write something coherent, and wondering if I should make the cuts on my arms and legs worse, or whether I should just leave them for today.
