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Limerence.

Blue

“Limerence is an intense, involuntary state of romantic infatuation characterized by obsessive thoughts, emotional dependency, and a strong desire for reciprocation. Unlike healthy love, it is rooted in obsession and anxiety, leading to intrusive thoughts, emotional highs and lows, and an idealization of the person of interest (the "Limerent Object"). While not classified as a mental disorder, limerence often coexists with conditions like Autism, PTSD, and OCD, making it even more overwhelming. For autistic individuals, limerence can manifest as a hyperfixation, with black-and-white thinking and difficulty reading social cues exacerbating emotional distress. Those with PTSD may experience limerence as an emotional flashback, using the Limerent Object as a source of perceived safety, which can reinforce trauma bonds and fears of abandonment. Similarly, in OCD, limerence mimics obsessive thought patterns, leading to compulsive behaviors like checking social media, rereading texts, and engaging in excessive rumination. To someone unfamiliar with limerence, it may seem like an intense crush, but for the sufferer, it can be profoundly disabling, affecting daily life, work, and relationships. The inability to control intrusive thoughts can lead to cognitive overload, emotional turmoil, social withdrawal, and a decline in self-esteem.”

(this isn’t my description!!)

has anybody else experienced this? does anyone have any advice? 

Parents

  • I think Freud based Oedipus on this. It's a human feature...at the core is a desire to be connected. However, those with a heightened sensory awareness will be impacted to a greater intensity. And if you're immature, whether at 2 or 20, you might exhibit a difficulty with paradox, gradience, allowing room for growth and so on (thus appearing B&W). Idealising an "Other" is also something we must all learn to grow out of. Don't meet your heroes. When we hold someone to extreme measures, the fall from grace is steep. It's practical to not make gods of mortals.

    To a degree, psychology has told us for at least a century that it's "Typical" to filter out unwanted noise, to desensitise and this includes emotional distance between others and myself. Limerence can be set in contrast to this. In fact, Jung would talk about the process of finding the individual self, as one becomes so removed as part of what is Typical for "maturing" into adulthood. 

    It seems to me, limerence is really just a later-in-life in many cases of coming to terms with undisciplined control issues that we're now thrust into. There's a lot more to this on SO many levels. I'd encourage anyone dealing with it to read Erich Fromm's Art of Loving. Yes, the heart wants what it wants, but cannot just have what it wants. We need to learn to love and invest in another while still affording them freedom and agency, this may just mean crying through the process. It's not something to extract from alone. And things which resonate in our core where we're most vulnerable might never truly heal.

    Whereas what's Typical is ending up in the psychologists office for an inability to be vulnerable enough to feel this intensely about anything. U2's Numb is a good explanation of this. 

    That said, PTSD and limerence is a whole other level. And one I'll sit out. x

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  • I think Freud based Oedipus on this. It's a human feature...at the core is a desire to be connected. However, those with a heightened sensory awareness will be impacted to a greater intensity. And if you're immature, whether at 2 or 20, you might exhibit a difficulty with paradox, gradience, allowing room for growth and so on (thus appearing B&W). Idealising an "Other" is also something we must all learn to grow out of. Don't meet your heroes. When we hold someone to extreme measures, the fall from grace is steep. It's practical to not make gods of mortals.

    To a degree, psychology has told us for at least a century that it's "Typical" to filter out unwanted noise, to desensitise and this includes emotional distance between others and myself. Limerence can be set in contrast to this. In fact, Jung would talk about the process of finding the individual self, as one becomes so removed as part of what is Typical for "maturing" into adulthood. 

    It seems to me, limerence is really just a later-in-life in many cases of coming to terms with undisciplined control issues that we're now thrust into. There's a lot more to this on SO many levels. I'd encourage anyone dealing with it to read Erich Fromm's Art of Loving. Yes, the heart wants what it wants, but cannot just have what it wants. We need to learn to love and invest in another while still affording them freedom and agency, this may just mean crying through the process. It's not something to extract from alone. And things which resonate in our core where we're most vulnerable might never truly heal.

    Whereas what's Typical is ending up in the psychologists office for an inability to be vulnerable enough to feel this intensely about anything. U2's Numb is a good explanation of this. 

    That said, PTSD and limerence is a whole other level. And one I'll sit out. x

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