Over the last few months my meltdowns and shutdowns have become more frequent. I'm barely working, I'm exhausted all the time. I feel so alone, useless and a burden and I don't want to go through this anymore. I don't know where to go to get help. I used to be able to do so much, why can't I be who I used to be? What happened, what went wrong?
Dear Seren, I fear that you are "in" burnout. I have been there, and it is REALLY unpleasant (that is my understatement for the year!!)
I have read many differing experiences of burnout here on the forum. People seem to have wildly differing interpretations of what "burnout" means to them. The advice on what to do about "burnout" also seems wildly diverse, to the point of meaninglessness.
Personally, I found that it took me a VERY long time to recover back to some level of consistent functionality and happiness, and although the "depths" of my burnout were virtually too difficult to bare, I was able to do so.......and now that I am "better"......I think the experience was really important to my soul.
I managed to climb my way back out of the "hole" by being VERY incremental about it!! I realised that I was properly vapid and needed to start REALLY small to bring some "achievement" back into my days. Things like "a walk", "an interaction" with another human, "one task" a day .... really nominal stuff ....... but E V E N T U A L L Y things did start to improve, and I could do more.
I had many false horizons, both about how low I could feel, and then on the flip side too - ie thinking I was making progress, but ultimately realised that I wasn't.
I think time is the greatest healer......although I do appreciate that this is the last thing that someone in burnout wants to hear!
Please don't panic about your current feelings and situation. I was SO low and SO lost that I really couldn't see how there was any escape from it.........but there was......it just takes time.
Stick around here Seren.....I wish I had found this place when I was in burnout, I think it would have helped me a lot.
And one last thing, to answer the question you asked - ie "What happened, what went wrong?" .... I think you also answered this yourself with "I used to be able to do so much" ...... you were probably doing TOO much.
I wish you well.
That's a very rational and in-depth description of your burnout experience. I am grateful you have shared this. I will try to apply this to my burnout.
Because my burnout is primarily stuck in limbo and reflects my one major concern ie my employment. The not knowing part has become all consuming. There are too many mental doors to look behind I find my energy levels at almost zero. Once I get some clarity (been nearly 2 years now!) I thinks I will make more inroads into my recovery. It is like the sword of Damocles hanging over my head.
Sorry I do not mean to hijack the original posters thread
I thank you Mr T, it is nice to know that I can possibly still be of some use in this place, sometimes.
When I was in burnout, I felt (and frankly was) utterly bereft, lonely, scared, lost and more vulnerable than I had ever thought possible. All I craved was honest, direct and personal connection with anyone who could hear and understand me. I didn't need help finding things to read, nor being told to find a group or a website......does anyone really not think for themselves that visiting their own GP is an option?! Really?!?
I needed HUMAN ...contact.....connection...gentle support....reassurance......isn't that what a COMMUNITY FORUM is ideally placed to do?!
Why is advice on here these days, advising people to leave and seek help elsewhere?!
1) Safe advice is rarely useful to give or useful to receive, in many respects.
2) Useful advice is rarely safe to give or safe to receive, in many respects.......and it takes substantial effort to offer it as safely as possible.....so..... there needs to be COMMUNITY support to allow individuals to safely express their own opinions, their own views and their own advice.....even if that goes against all those links and institutional advice?
For whatever reason, this COMMUNITY FORUM is not feeling quite right.....to me?!
Naturally, everything you have written above is inarguable and wholly reasonable and defensible in every regard. I know that you know and you know that I know. So we're all good, I hope!
See my more expansive reasoning for my feelings - as below - in response to Bunny.
I am a thinker Bunny, and I do/have wondered why I evidently find the "standardised link-delivery format" irksome.....and I think I have realised why.
The only "standardised link-delivery format" posts that normally appear here are from the MODS. They normally wait for a good few hours to see if there are any "community takers" out there who might wish to make a "personal fist-bump" before they 'fill the void', if required, with that stuff. I believe this is their policy (or perhaps was) ... but I can't claim this as a certainty, nor am I invested to try and prove this.......it is merely my observed and understood reality....so shoot me if I'm wrong.
The MODS do a great job....and so do you with your links and help to people.
I am not a "standardised link-connected format" entity, so I suppose it is logical that I wouldn't particularly dig the styling.......but then you also don't enjoy bot-hunting either.....and you seem able to use punctuation and grammar properly too....whereas me.......wellll?!
We are just deeply different individuals....that's all. I'm missing the "community" feel of this place.....and I'm perhaps a bit raw and sad about that. I associate the MODS standardised posts appearing when community members don't find or respond to an OP.
PS. Naturally, everything you have written above is inarguable and wholly reasonable and defensible in every regard.
Why is advice on here these days, advising people to leave and seek help elsewhere?!
1) Safe advice is rarely useful to give or useful to receive, in many respects.
2) Useful advice is rarely safe to give or safe to receive, in many respects.......and it takes substantial effort to offer it as safely as possible.....so..... there needs to be COMMUNITY support to allow individuals to safely express their own opinions, their own views and their own advice.....even if that goes against all those links and institutional advice?
I don't really understand this but what I will say is that a mix of signposting and personal experience is a good mix, in my opinion.
There is actually far more of the latter than the former on here.
I'm very pleased with Bunny s signposting to services that are available outside of the forum and also that they signpost to articles on the NAS site that are hard to find - I sometimes take these links to read myself.
A lot of effort goes into doing this for others and it's thoughtful.
In the meantime, there is still lots of the 'community support' that you mention here (ie the vast majority of contributing forum members) albeit diminished in quantity relative to the diminishing of numbers of contributors.
It doesn't have to be one or the other type of assistance - all can be good and helpful.
There are lots of good reasons why suggesting a visit to the GP can be genuinely helpful to people.
Some might not know that a GP can help them with their particular issue. Others might suspect that it could be a good starting point, but still benefit from a gentle nudge to get them over the line. Others could be in such a bad place that they can hardly process anything, let alone work out where and how best to start.
I agree (especially personally with regard to the 'gentle nudge')..
So I personally feel that signposting others to these resources can be an important way to support them.
I agree.
does anyone really not think for themselves that visiting their own GP is an option?! Really?!?
There are lots of good reasons why suggesting a visit to the GP can be genuinely helpful to people.
Some might not know that a GP can help them with their particular issue. Others might suspect that it could be a good starting point, but still benefit from a gentle nudge to get them over the line. Others could be in such a bad place that they can hardly process anything, let alone work out where and how best to start.
I've benefitted many times from being encouraged to contact my GP, including because of my executive function issues, procrastination, low mood, denial, hopelessness, wishful thinking, exhaustion, etc.
I didn't need help finding things to read, nor being told to find a group or a website
Why is advice on here these days, advising people to leave and seek help elsewhere?!
We're all different, so what we each need or want from this community can differ enormously.
That being said, I believe that links to NAS or external resources can be very helpful to people (as they were to me). They can make for a great starting point in building a better understanding of our autistic selves, and in learning about strategies and tools that might help us. Some NAS articles, in particular, also include views from autistic people and/or links to relevant articles in their blogs.
So I personally feel that signposting others to these resources can be an important way to support them. I also don't see the point of trying to reinvent wheels (by writing about subjects myself) when there are already purpose-built resources that provide the same or much better advice than I can offer (and that will be updated, over time, if and when knowledge or advice changes).
In saying that, I'm not trying to downplay the other vitally important aspects of this community that you've talked about (eg personal connections, empathy, reassurance, sharing experiences, etc).
These are clearly also a key part of what this community should offer. And, whilst it may not feel like it at times, I do hope and believe that - between us - this community does also deliver that.
does anyone really not think for themselves that visiting their own GP is an option?! Really?!?
There are lots of good reasons why suggesting a visit to the GP can be genuinely helpful to people.
Some might not know that a GP can help them with their particular issue. Others might suspect that it could be a good starting point, but still benefit from a gentle nudge to get them over the line. Others could be in such a bad place that they can hardly process anything, let alone work out where and how best to start.
I've benefitted many times from being encouraged to contact my GP, including because of my executive function issues, procrastination, low mood, denial, hopelessness, wishful thinking, exhaustion, etc.
I didn't need help finding things to read, nor being told to find a group or a website
Why is advice on here these days, advising people to leave and seek help elsewhere?!
We're all different, so what we each need or want from this community can differ enormously.
That being said, I believe that links to NAS or external resources can be very helpful to people (as they were to me). They can make for a great starting point in building a better understanding of our autistic selves, and in learning about strategies and tools that might help us. Some NAS articles, in particular, also include views from autistic people and/or links to relevant articles in their blogs.
So I personally feel that signposting others to these resources can be an important way to support them. I also don't see the point of trying to reinvent wheels (by writing about subjects myself) when there are already purpose-built resources that provide the same or much better advice than I can offer (and that will be updated, over time, if and when knowledge or advice changes).
In saying that, I'm not trying to downplay the other vitally important aspects of this community that you've talked about (eg personal connections, empathy, reassurance, sharing experiences, etc).
These are clearly also a key part of what this community should offer. And, whilst it may not feel like it at times, I do hope and believe that - between us - this community does also deliver that.
I am a thinker Bunny, and I do/have wondered why I evidently find the "standardised link-delivery format" irksome.....and I think I have realised why.
The only "standardised link-delivery format" posts that normally appear here are from the MODS. They normally wait for a good few hours to see if there are any "community takers" out there who might wish to make a "personal fist-bump" before they 'fill the void', if required, with that stuff. I believe this is their policy (or perhaps was) ... but I can't claim this as a certainty, nor am I invested to try and prove this.......it is merely my observed and understood reality....so shoot me if I'm wrong.
The MODS do a great job....and so do you with your links and help to people.
I am not a "standardised link-connected format" entity, so I suppose it is logical that I wouldn't particularly dig the styling.......but then you also don't enjoy bot-hunting either.....and you seem able to use punctuation and grammar properly too....whereas me.......wellll?!
We are just deeply different individuals....that's all. I'm missing the "community" feel of this place.....and I'm perhaps a bit raw and sad about that. I associate the MODS standardised posts appearing when community members don't find or respond to an OP.
PS. Naturally, everything you have written above is inarguable and wholly reasonable and defensible in every regard.
There are lots of good reasons why suggesting a visit to the GP can be genuinely helpful to people.
Some might not know that a GP can help them with their particular issue. Others might suspect that it could be a good starting point, but still benefit from a gentle nudge to get them over the line. Others could be in such a bad place that they can hardly process anything, let alone work out where and how best to start.
I agree (especially personally with regard to the 'gentle nudge')..
So I personally feel that signposting others to these resources can be an important way to support them.
I agree.
