Over the last few months my meltdowns and shutdowns have become more frequent. I'm barely working, I'm exhausted all the time. I feel so alone, useless and a burden and I don't want to go through this anymore. I don't know where to go to get help. I used to be able to do so much, why can't I be who I used to be? What happened, what went wrong?
Dear Seren, I fear that you are "in" burnout. I have been there, and it is REALLY unpleasant (that is my understatement for the year!!)
I have read many differing experiences of burnout here on the forum. People seem to have wildly differing interpretations of what "burnout" means to them. The advice on what to do about "burnout" also seems wildly diverse, to the point of meaninglessness.
Personally, I found that it took me a VERY long time to recover back to some level of consistent functionality and happiness, and although the "depths" of my burnout were virtually too difficult to bare, I was able to do so.......and now that I am "better"......I think the experience was really important to my soul.
I managed to climb my way back out of the "hole" by being VERY incremental about it!! I realised that I was properly vapid and needed to start REALLY small to bring some "achievement" back into my days. Things like "a walk", "an interaction" with another human, "one task" a day .... really nominal stuff ....... but E V E N T U A L L Y things did start to improve, and I could do more.
I had many false horizons, both about how low I could feel, and then on the flip side too - ie thinking I was making progress, but ultimately realised that I wasn't.
I think time is the greatest healer......although I do appreciate that this is the last thing that someone in burnout wants to hear!
Please don't panic about your current feelings and situation. I was SO low and SO lost that I really couldn't see how there was any escape from it.........but there was......it just takes time.
Stick around here Seren.....I wish I had found this place when I was in burnout, I think it would have helped me a lot.
And one last thing, to answer the question you asked - ie "What happened, what went wrong?" .... I think you also answered this yourself with "I used to be able to do so much" ...... you were probably doing TOO much.
I wish you well.
Dear Seren, I fear that you are "in" burnout. I have been there, and it is REALLY unpleasant (that is my understatement for the year!!)
I have read many differing experiences of burnout here on the forum. People seem to have wildly differing interpretations of what "burnout" means to them. The advice on what to do about "burnout" also seems wildly diverse, to the point of meaninglessness.
Personally, I found that it took me a VERY long time to recover back to some level of consistent functionality and happiness, and although the "depths" of my burnout were virtually too difficult to bare, I was able to do so.......and now that I am "better"......I think the experience was really important to my soul.
I managed to climb my way back out of the "hole" by being VERY incremental about it!! I realised that I was properly vapid and needed to start REALLY small to bring some "achievement" back into my days. Things like "a walk", "an interaction" with another human, "one task" a day .... really nominal stuff ....... but E V E N T U A L L Y things did start to improve, and I could do more.
I had many false horizons, both about how low I could feel, and then on the flip side too - ie thinking I was making progress, but ultimately realised that I wasn't.
I think time is the greatest healer......although I do appreciate that this is the last thing that someone in burnout wants to hear!
Please don't panic about your current feelings and situation. I was SO low and SO lost that I really couldn't see how there was any escape from it.........but there was......it just takes time.
Stick around here Seren.....I wish I had found this place when I was in burnout, I think it would have helped me a lot.
And one last thing, to answer the question you asked - ie "What happened, what went wrong?" .... I think you also answered this yourself with "I used to be able to do so much" ...... you were probably doing TOO much.
I wish you well.
Totally agree with this it's really insightful!
I thought I'd had burnout then recovered then had another, but realise now, like you say, that I was "in burnout" and what I was feeling were improvements, then sips back down.
I find the other thing that also gets mixed up in interpretation is "rest" and "using a lot of energy" , it's not always about being tired or doing too many things, it's about that "autistic battery" that is depleted by stress and anxiety, sometimes from doing certain things but often can be getting discharged by doing nothing, as you're probably sat worried or anxious and that's using power.
This forum has been a big help to me, I found it a few months into burnout and it's helped me no end.
That's a very rational and in-depth description of your burnout experience. I am grateful you have shared this. I will try to apply this to my burnout.
Because my burnout is primarily stuck in limbo and reflects my one major concern ie my employment. The not knowing part has become all consuming. There are too many mental doors to look behind I find my energy levels at almost zero. Once I get some clarity (been nearly 2 years now!) I thinks I will make more inroads into my recovery. It is like the sword of Damocles hanging over my head.
Sorry I do not mean to hijack the original posters thread
