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Dealing with bad news.

mrs.snooks

Just needing some support.

One of my closest friends has just been diagnosed with cancer. I am really strugging at the moment. I have very few friends, so the ones I actually do have are really special and closer to me than some members of my family.

I am overwlemed with grief as I try to support her. At least I have stopped crying uncontrollably. 

Plus work is difficult and my colleagues are very challenging with their negative behaviour and attitudes.

So, what with work and my sadness, it is difficult to remind myself of three positive things to help keep me grounded. I know what I need to do to look after myself and that I am grateful that her chances of cure are good. But I am really sad and don't feel that crying helps. In fact, I almost feel that if I cry I just make myself more triggered.

Thanks in advance.

Mrs Snooks.

Parents

  • Hello mrs.snooks,

    I would very much like to show my support for you, at this tricky time.

    It is really tough when we get serious and sad news like this.  There isn't a right -v- wrong way to deal with this sort of news.....it all depends on so many different variables.....and that is probably one of the reasons that "we" can find it so hard to process such things 'to our satisfaction.'

    So....in terms of potential "help," all I can do is tell you what I find myself doing in situations like the one you face.  I have experienced a few of these type of "episodes" in my life and I have found that separating out, and separately dealing with the 3 parts, is very helpful to me.  

    So the three parts are as follows;

    1=The person who has been diagnosed - what they might need - what they might want - what I might be able to provide to help.

    2=The immediate family / closest friends of the person who has been diagnosed - what they might need - what they might want - what I might be able to provide to help.

    3=Me  How do I feel this news and the inevitable practical impacts of that news are going to affect me, both now, and in the short to medium term.  I give myself time to be by myself to reflect on these things.....and to grieve and process MY change from (happy, business as usual mode) to (oh bug gar, this is bad news!)

    Being able to dedicate your soul and sole focus on [1] when you are with them or speaking to them is invaluable (in my opinion)......it stops me from becoming upset and enables me to be "useful" to them.  HOWEVER, I also MUST also dedicate separate time and energy on [3] ie processing MY feelings on the matter, in order to have that healthy sole focus on them during my time with them.  And then there is [2].....and in my experience, this is the most confusing and awkward element of these situations because there are so many different reactions and needs exposed by the various humans (and pets, quite often) by this type of news.

    If you are short on bandwidth and spoons at the moment, I would recommend just focusing on [1] and [3] at the moment....but do this separately, but in tandem with each other.

    Cancer is nasty, but it can be beaten, so please don't prematurely loose hope for the situation.

    I wish you only positive thoughts, a strong will and firm focus.

    Best wishes to you.

    Yours

    Number.

Reply

  • Hello mrs.snooks,

    I would very much like to show my support for you, at this tricky time.

    It is really tough when we get serious and sad news like this.  There isn't a right -v- wrong way to deal with this sort of news.....it all depends on so many different variables.....and that is probably one of the reasons that "we" can find it so hard to process such things 'to our satisfaction.'

    So....in terms of potential "help," all I can do is tell you what I find myself doing in situations like the one you face.  I have experienced a few of these type of "episodes" in my life and I have found that separating out, and separately dealing with the 3 parts, is very helpful to me.  

    So the three parts are as follows;

    1=The person who has been diagnosed - what they might need - what they might want - what I might be able to provide to help.

    2=The immediate family / closest friends of the person who has been diagnosed - what they might need - what they might want - what I might be able to provide to help.

    3=Me  How do I feel this news and the inevitable practical impacts of that news are going to affect me, both now, and in the short to medium term.  I give myself time to be by myself to reflect on these things.....and to grieve and process MY change from (happy, business as usual mode) to (oh bug gar, this is bad news!)

    Being able to dedicate your soul and sole focus on [1] when you are with them or speaking to them is invaluable (in my opinion)......it stops me from becoming upset and enables me to be "useful" to them.  HOWEVER, I also MUST also dedicate separate time and energy on [3] ie processing MY feelings on the matter, in order to have that healthy sole focus on them during my time with them.  And then there is [2].....and in my experience, this is the most confusing and awkward element of these situations because there are so many different reactions and needs exposed by the various humans (and pets, quite often) by this type of news.

    If you are short on bandwidth and spoons at the moment, I would recommend just focusing on [1] and [3] at the moment....but do this separately, but in tandem with each other.

    Cancer is nasty, but it can be beaten, so please don't prematurely loose hope for the situation.

    I wish you only positive thoughts, a strong will and firm focus.

    Best wishes to you.

    Yours

    Number.

Children
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