To much responsibility and not enough power

Is the situation I'm increasingly finding myself in, there's things in the house that need doing and are going to cost money, I'm not physically capable of doing them anymore, like decorating and serious bits of hard landscaping. Mum, who holds the purse strings is change adverse, we've got a new front door coming in the next few weeks and tats taken me months of persausion to get her to agree, it was only when there were huge puddles in the hall that she agreed. Now the patio is going to need some serious work and some fencing in the garden. My Dad used to take care of all this sort of stuff, but now he's gone it's fallen to me, only I don't have the say so on the money side of things like he did. Me trying to talk about it falls on deaf ears, not helped by the friend who lives with us, who has no financial interest in the house making things diffucult, he's chased off a couple of builder and plumbers by trying to tell them we want things we don't and that we don't want things we do. Far to many builders and trades people really want to speak to a man and don't really want to work for women and start talking to him as soon as they see him, if I remind them it's me and Mum who they're working for, they disapear and don't call back as they quite understandably don't want to be caught in the middle.

I feel close to collapse, my mental and physical health is starting to suffer and yet there feels like little I can do to break the deadlock. I think I'm at the point of burning out as I'm sleeping nearly 12 hours a day and still feeling exhausted.

Parents
  • a thought about the fencing - is it your boundary or is it your neighbour's - would be a shame to spend out if it's their's to repair (although appreciate that if it is the problem is not solved just converted to another sort maybe)  Plus what  says :-)

  • This is definately our boundary that needs doing, massive 10 foot high hedge, that now needs some low fencing on the lower part as it has few leaves, Fearn can get out and I don't want to reduce the height to much as it gives us privacy from the houses on the other side of it, being able to hear them is bad enough.

Reply
  • This is definately our boundary that needs doing, massive 10 foot high hedge, that now needs some low fencing on the lower part as it has few leaves, Fearn can get out and I don't want to reduce the height to much as it gives us privacy from the houses on the other side of it, being able to hear them is bad enough.

Children
  • No we don't want chain link, we want proper wood maybe a vertical waneylap.

  • 25m x1m chain link is about £100 say and normally comes with a roll of wire to tension it.  Dormant season (i.e. late winter) renovation of a privet hedge is a great way to reset the size - after just a few years it will be regrown in fine shape.  2 years ao I "went in deep" with an electric chainsaw on mine and it has recovered already.   The wire helps with strength as all the plants connect - but in a flexible way.  Reckon the issue will be finding a jobbing gardener who might take on the task - since it's a winter job there's at least a couple of months to play with.  As a guide to how long how much - with the right power tools if I was doing this DIY I'd set aside at least 2 days to do the cutting.  Clearing up and removal of the cut material is s pretty big job too - if you had somewhere to pile it up and compost down that might be a way of saving time and money and also keep the goodness in the garden.  My privet hedges regularly host sparrows etc and is a good hiding place for lots of other animals too.  Great for creating the micro-climate and privacy of the garden as well.  Maybe some fruit trees in pots if you can manage the watering?  All the best. :-)  

  • It's a privet hedge and quite old I think and very thick, in some ways I'd like to cut it all down and put some serious fencing up and fan train fruit trees against it, but lots of birds and other wild life live in it and it's a good carbon store. The other thing, is it's over 100 feet long and with the gale force winds common here, it would need to be very strong and it would be incredibly expensive.

  •  ah. OK I tie-wired some chain link fencing tight along the base of the hedge between our house and next doors when we moved here to stop our dog from pressing thro'  Since it was a privet hedge it soon grew back thro' the wire and as long as one is careful when cutting back the hedge nobody even realises it's there.  I wonder what sort of hedge you have?