To much responsibility and not enough power

Is the situation I'm increasingly finding myself in, there's things in the house that need doing and are going to cost money, I'm not physically capable of doing them anymore, like decorating and serious bits of hard landscaping. Mum, who holds the purse strings is change adverse, we've got a new front door coming in the next few weeks and tats taken me months of persausion to get her to agree, it was only when there were huge puddles in the hall that she agreed. Now the patio is going to need some serious work and some fencing in the garden. My Dad used to take care of all this sort of stuff, but now he's gone it's fallen to me, only I don't have the say so on the money side of things like he did. Me trying to talk about it falls on deaf ears, not helped by the friend who lives with us, who has no financial interest in the house making things diffucult, he's chased off a couple of builder and plumbers by trying to tell them we want things we don't and that we don't want things we do. Far to many builders and trades people really want to speak to a man and don't really want to work for women and start talking to him as soon as they see him, if I remind them it's me and Mum who they're working for, they disapear and don't call back as they quite understandably don't want to be caught in the middle.

I feel close to collapse, my mental and physical health is starting to suffer and yet there feels like little I can do to break the deadlock. I think I'm at the point of burning out as I'm sleeping nearly 12 hours a day and still feeling exhausted.

Parents
  • I’m so sorry that you are going through those difficulties at the moment. Clearly you need practical as well a emotional support right now. 

    You could try contacting one or more of the Urgent Help organisations listed on this NAS website by clicking on the top of this page.

    Contact your GP or the GP’s surgery to enquire if they have a counsellor you could talk to, or a social worker.

    Is it possible for you to speak to the friend, explaining that you need to deal directly with tradespeople, and request that he refrains from engagement?

    I do hope things improve soon.

Reply
  • I’m so sorry that you are going through those difficulties at the moment. Clearly you need practical as well a emotional support right now. 

    You could try contacting one or more of the Urgent Help organisations listed on this NAS website by clicking on the top of this page.

    Contact your GP or the GP’s surgery to enquire if they have a counsellor you could talk to, or a social worker.

    Is it possible for you to speak to the friend, explaining that you need to deal directly with tradespeople, and request that he refrains from engagement?

    I do hope things improve soon.

Children
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