Feeling very down, isolated and hopeless

Hey AngeAlien, I know what this feels like and I'm sorry it's all weighing so heavy right now. Kinda piggybacking your post to vent myself but I've been on the receiving end of full on bullying this year (something I naively didn't think possible at 34!) and feel isolated, stupid and like I can't trust myself or anyone else. I feel like pressing the eject button every day and I'm sad there's no one to step in and help, does that sound familiar? I get frustrated that I just have to keep doing everything on my own. People say it's not that way, there are always people to help but that feels like it has to be absolute crisis. I know there are helplines but also how hard it is to reach out, especially when you can't physically talk/explain. (I've found Papyrus helpline helpful, if that's anything.) Ultimately I know it doesn't help with building up your life to something that feels worthwhile or secure though, I feel that. You just have to keep plugging away and it's EXHAUSTING. My business is in the bin, my rented house has a roof leak the landlord won't fix and I have to move out (and probably in with yet more strangers), my family think I'm making mountains out of molehills - it's really, really hard to get taken seriously. It feels impossible to find people who understand, but I'm guessing there's more than a few here so keep reaching out. Don't give up hope, just do the next thing next and do little nice things until you feel a bit better to make some plans? That's my aim anyway! You're not on your own with this, I promise

Hi Blueberry  Thank you so much for your message it means a lot. I’m sorry to hear about the bullying but I’m sadly not surprised in this world, especially toward us unconventional types. I hope this has stopped for you now. It does sound very familiar re no one stepping into help. I have a partner and he’s great but I can’t rely and shouldn’t for his sake, on him for everything. I stay for him and I suppose maybe two other people but ultimately if (let’s call him R) wasn’t about I don’t think I’d have much to stay for. Having said that moods do come and go but life is such hard work, especially with autism. I mask it away from home but just feel like I'm not meant to be on this planet. It’s too loud and confusing and somewhat unfriendly! Do you feel this way? I don’t have close family really and no friends, just usual interactions with online people at times. I’m craving some emotional support and kind of want to be parented in a way! I never have been truly. My mum is emotionally unavailable and always has been and dad passed away during my childhood. This sounds so woe is me I’m sorry but there is just a lifetime to unpack and no one to really hear it…therapy doesn’t work for me as there is too much to unpack so never know where to even begin. I’m quite good at getting through things most of the time but now feels really really hard. How are you today? I hope the living arrangements pan out for you, the business thing settles and you find something you love! Haven’t heard of papyrus so thank you. I almost tried shout the other day a txt service. Depends where you are in the world I suppose. Thank you so much again for reaching out. Sorry to vent and I hope things improve for you.

Hi Blueberry  Thank you so much for your message it means a lot. I’m sorry to hear about the bullying but I’m sadly not surprised in this world, especially toward us unconventional types. I hope this has stopped for you now. It does sound very familiar re no one stepping into help. I have a partner and he’s great but I can’t rely and shouldn’t for his sake, on him for everything. I stay for him and I suppose maybe two other people but ultimately if (let’s call him R) wasn’t about I don’t think I’d have much to stay for. Having said that moods do come and go but life is such hard work, especially with autism. I mask it away from home but just feel like I'm not meant to be on this planet. It’s too loud and confusing and somewhat unfriendly! Do you feel this way? I don’t have close family really and no friends, just usual interactions with online people at times. I’m craving some emotional support and kind of want to be parented in a way! I never have been truly. My mum is emotionally unavailable and always has been and dad passed away during my childhood. This sounds so woe is me I’m sorry but there is just a lifetime to unpack and no one to really hear it…therapy doesn’t work for me as there is too much to unpack so never know where to even begin. I’m quite good at getting through things most of the time but now feels really really hard. How are you today? I hope the living arrangements pan out for you, the business thing settles and you find something you love! Haven’t heard of papyrus so thank you. I almost tried shout the other day a txt service. Depends where you are in the world I suppose. Thank you so much again for reaching out. Sorry to vent and I hope things improve for you.