My autistic son, my wife and I are going through absolute hell due to a horrendous misunderstanding and can’t speak to anyone in our local community:

I premise this by stressing that I am a new member and in agreement with forum rules, I am not looking for legal advice - just a way to vent my frustrations to people who might understand. I’m sure the outcome will eventually be fine, but the stress might knock a few years off our lives and may forever change our outlook on life

My 16-year-old son, who exhibits motor tics, vocal tics, and autistic stimming behaviours, recently studied in a quiet library quite normally for one hour without interacting or seeing anyone. Five days later we learned he has been accused of masturbating by another library user who heard his tics and observed his arms briefly moving from a distance and wrongly concluded he was masturbating. The library management passed the report to the Child Protection Agency who in turn passed the report on to the police to investigate. We don't know who the accuser is. My son has not yet been asked to explain his actions and the security camera footage has not yet been viewed after 3 long and gruelling weeks. Of course, just asking my son why he was making such noises and why his hands were moving and asking him whether they can view the footage with parental consent would have cleared things up in a very short time frame. Having to go through a multi-week police investigation process where his case is handed from department to department without anyone caring is such an unfortunate, traumatic and stressful experience that is having hugely negative effects on our health. My son is mentally very strong, but I can imagine some other children being driven to suicide by such embarrassment. In the meantime, we have no help and can’t talk to anyone for fear of our reputations being ruined. Is this the right way of doing things because from our point of view, it seems absolutely crazy and we are really struggling?

We're based in Ireland so the Child protection agency is TUSLA and the 'police' should read 'Garda'

 

Parents
  • I’m so sorry this has happened to your family. 
    How awful. There is a wellbeing and autism page on this UK site: 

    https://accused.me.uk/autism/

    It’s an awful thing to happen to a young person and when it’s something like this, that’s so sensitive, we worry it will have lasting effects. 
    I’m just so sorry. It will be over eventually, but it’s the injustice and the embarrassment and the worry of lasting damage. It’s traumatic for you all.

    These people have a helpline, but again, I’m sorry, it’s UK: https://false-allegations.org.uk

    Lots of fantastic work has been done within criminal justice in regards to young people demonstrating concerning sexual behaviours, but unfortunately very little to nothing is available for those who are falsely accused of something like this and the subsequent impact on the young person. 

    Don’t be afraid to seek generic help and support as a family from relevant organisations. You won’t be the first family that has experience this awful thing. 

    Sending strength, Blip

  • Thank you so much for your sympathy, concern and the very valuable information. Your comment has helped us so much. It is so fortunate that my son is so mentally tough. My wife and I are the ones who cannot sleep or eat properly. Fortunately, my son has never previously been negatively affected by his involuntary movements. Even this is barely affecting him. To our surprise, he has never had any intention to get help - he also suffers from a terrible stutter which can fairly easily be helped, but he is just not interested. He is proud of his differences and is confused as to why anyone would want to be 'normal' - "That would be boring." He loves school and is one of the top students. He has even been elected chairperson of the student council, class captain, leader of the culture club and regularly does public speaking - he even has a YouTube channel. He is very confident and has never been bullied - Credit for that is due to his wonderful school, teachers and classmates. Sorry for all that unnecessary detail (I just felt the need to share and not because of what you said) and thanks again for your lovely comment, it really has helped my wife and I especially:)

Reply
  • Thank you so much for your sympathy, concern and the very valuable information. Your comment has helped us so much. It is so fortunate that my son is so mentally tough. My wife and I are the ones who cannot sleep or eat properly. Fortunately, my son has never previously been negatively affected by his involuntary movements. Even this is barely affecting him. To our surprise, he has never had any intention to get help - he also suffers from a terrible stutter which can fairly easily be helped, but he is just not interested. He is proud of his differences and is confused as to why anyone would want to be 'normal' - "That would be boring." He loves school and is one of the top students. He has even been elected chairperson of the student council, class captain, leader of the culture club and regularly does public speaking - he even has a YouTube channel. He is very confident and has never been bullied - Credit for that is due to his wonderful school, teachers and classmates. Sorry for all that unnecessary detail (I just felt the need to share and not because of what you said) and thanks again for your lovely comment, it really has helped my wife and I especially:)

Children