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From laugh to tears in a second

Alien0n3arth

Is it only me dealing with it or others here also know this feeling? Today I was super slow, I felt like my body does not belong to me, like I didn’t have full control over my muscles, I also had head spinning, I literally tripped over my own legs few times. While my mom says it’s a weather my colleague said it may be something more serious. I’m still waiting for an appointment. Today it wasn’t very busy but with my slowed actions and reactions I felt like I couldn’t cope with anything. And there was a funny situation. We had a return of goods and the procedure is that you have to indicate the reason of return. So I wrote it, showed my manager and he giggled and said “remove the hole in the bag” and I wrote it literally as he said. When he saw that he got confused and started laughing. And he asked me to remove the whole line. Then I realized that I understood it too literally and also started laughing. It was funny. But less funny was that first I couldn’t stop laughing but then suddenly my laugh turned into historical cry in a second. And I have no idea why. I wasn’t offended or anything. I experienced that long time ago as kid teenager and young adult, then it was somehow better. Now everything hits me stronger than ever. I’m concerned that others at work will gossip about me and something finally reaches my boss and he will not prolong my contract. When I was crying, I started shaking and then any noise and even the music everything was wrong painful irritating etc. I feel like my emotions are like tsunami and I’m unable to control, regulate, escape or recognize them. I just start crying out of nowhere. Is there anything I can do about it? 

  • Thank you all, looks like it’s all together: trauma, burnout, not enough sleep, fatigue and I don’t know what else. Maybe hormones too.

  • It sounds to me like you've accumulated fatigue. Not in the simple, tired sense, but in that you've absorbed a lot of stress and it's been allowed to sit unprocessed inside of you. Then something broke your hold on it and it all came leaking out.

    For what you can do about it, that can hard to say as how you process your feelings can be very distinct from how others might. But it seems to me like a good place to start would be to find time to think about things you've been through that made you uncomfortable, and just acknowledge them. Try not to get too carried away with negative thinking, but allow yourself to actively recognise when you aren't ok.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    I understand that Alienated. I have 2 boys (youngest is autistic) and a wife this means it’s very often a noisy house. I have to take myself away and use my noise cancelling headphones, if I don’t it just drains me and makes me want to scream. 
    I had a day yesterday where I cried on and off all day, Some thoughts were sad and some thoughts were happy but I reacted in the same way. 

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    It is possible to buy "Gentle Iron" tablets. I don't know what they are called in Germany. But they give you iron but without the stomach issues associated with normal iron tablets. Iron is good for blood loss, and you aren't eating red meat. (I'm not a doctor!)

  • in reply to SpikeyMark

    Thank you, I’m not sure if I’m getting enough of what I need. I always eat the same things bread roll with an egg and cheese, cup of coffee, banana with few dates and nuts (for second breakfast) pasta with sauce for lunch (tomato sauce with beans) and again bread roll with cheese and egg for dinner. Sometimes I eat some chicken or fish. Pork and beef are for me intolerable. My diet is probably not healthiest one. I know at least I don’t have diabetes. 

  • in reply to SpikeyMark

    Thank you, I’m not sure if I’m getting enough of what I need. I always eat the same things bread roll with an egg and cheese, cup of coffee, banana with few dates and nuts (for second breakfast) pasta with sauce for lunch (tomato sauce with beans) and again bread roll with cheese and egg for dinner. Sometimes I eat some chicken or fish. Pork and beef are for me intolerable. My diet is probably not healthiest one. I know at least I don’t have diabetes. 

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you I think the laugh itself was too much for me. My situation at home constantly overloads me. It’s nothing bad happening here, but the fact that I have to spend time with two people (husband and child) both of them talk, talk to me, expect me to answer and be constantly active in interactions with them really drains me. I can relax only when I’m alone. It’s fine for me to be with the child alone or husband - alone. But more than me and one person - it’s a crowd. It’s too much. Well I wasn’t really aware of that before I brought the lovely little crowd to this world. But I love my crowd. Just hard to deal. 

  • I feel a bit the same today, really brain foggy and I ache, in general I feel like an unmade bed. I hope you feel better soon

  • What a fun story. The whole hole removed!

    To hell with gossip: they will forget it in 5 minutes. Having a full range of emotions feels good if you can manage it and there is no reason to wonder at the cause: they are outer expressions of an inner life.

    When I was in therapy we talked about how it is the feeling itself that is the core experience. The reasons were secondary.

    I would say it is an indication you feel comfortable enough around your boss to ease up on the reigns. I hope he was respectful and let you have your moment in dignity.

    It could also be hormone related - When I had a menses I had many, seemingly out of the blue, ups and downs like this. Way past post menopause now, things are a lot more steady on. 

  • This has happened to me when I have become overloaded. I believe you posted the other day about some problems you are having with your daughter, so perhaps being concerned about her and then having to correct something at work was just a bit too much for you.

    Take care of yourself.

  • I'm still new to all this - I'm newer than you in a way. But it does sound a little like 'autistic burnout'. But I think on top of that you also have some very real trauma that you are dealing with as well as other things all at the same time.

    I have gone from laughter to sadness very quickly too. Sometimes the reverse too.

    Try not to catastrophize (I know that this is easier said than done). You are a good worker, so I don't think they will want to get rid of you for that.

    I hope that your dizziness is not serious. It is good that you are going to be seen by someone. But are you eating as you should? Are you getting enough iron in your diet?

    You are in my thoughts and I hope you start to feel a bit better.