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Loneliness amongst autistics and allistics

Kit

hi all

after spending most of my time alone i've recently joined a new sports team. i love the sport itself but i feel like i'm strugglling to connect with people. there are a lot of autistic people on the team that seem to find it easy to relate to each other, but i feel disconnected from them. i've always been a fan of my own company so i feel dumb for being sad to miss out on something i don't enjoy being a part of- i could join in these discussions whenever i wanted, and i find myself upset over the fact that i don't want to and don't enjoy them, more than i am actually sad about not being included. i know this is a choice on my part and a lot of why i choose to hold myself back is because i get overwhelmed quite easily and struggle to navigate conversation. it feels harder when this is the case around other autistic people, because i feel like if there's anyone i should be able to relate to, it will be them. many autistic people i know find being around other autistic people refreshing/a safe haven, but i can't find this anywhere, with any 'type' of people. i don't think there's really a solution to this, it's more a discomfort i know i will have to live with. but if anyone ever feels the same and wants to share their experience that would be nice.

i also struggle to tell when it is 'appropriate' to turn my attention away from the actual sport. i feel like im always concentrating on the actual sport when these conversations come about, and i don't detect the vibe change at all. 

it's quite ironic because i like being by myself and i don't feel bad about being alone until i see other people who aren't. it's difficult being jealous of something i will never be able to experience- it makes the actual jealousy a frustrating waste of time. 

trigger warning- brief mention of self harm, no detail

when i think about this i feel really sad and lonely, and it gives me thoughts of wanting to hurt myself. on the other hand, i know the reason i'm not more integrated is because i don't enjoy it. so why am i yearning for something that i'm not and something that i want? it makes me feel like something is fundementally wrong with me and that i will never be truly happy 

apologies for the many spelling mistakes :]

Parents

  • I am sorry you feel sad. I relate to some of what you say.  I feel lonely in a group of people  and wish I could communicate and socialise as I see them do. But I actually don't enjoy it at all and a lot of the time don't want to be with the people either. So I don't understand myself feeling upset about the whole thing. 

    I am glad to be part of this group, people who will understand me. So I can get why you feel upset that you can't be part of the autistic group in the team. But you do have this forum, so hopefully you can find support and some comfort on here and be part of this group for now. 

Reply

  • I am sorry you feel sad. I relate to some of what you say.  I feel lonely in a group of people  and wish I could communicate and socialise as I see them do. But I actually don't enjoy it at all and a lot of the time don't want to be with the people either. So I don't understand myself feeling upset about the whole thing. 

    I am glad to be part of this group, people who will understand me. So I can get why you feel upset that you can't be part of the autistic group in the team. But you do have this forum, so hopefully you can find support and some comfort on here and be part of this group for now. 

Children