Failure

In my case  I have one because it's very hit and miss re getting the swiping right with a smartphone. My daughter thinks it's because I'm too heavy handed(dyspraxia?!!).

There used to be branches near me, but there aren't any more. Even if there was I'm restricted by mobility issues. I haven't been outside on my own at all since falls in October 2021. I'm not willing to tempt fate as another fall with my osteoporosis would make it very difficult to live independently . Indoors I have things I can hold onto . Even so I use a rollator most of the time, and even then pain can kick in after about 10-15 minutes of being upright.

Senior phones are great! The buttons are big enough, tehandsfree works, and the good ones simply don't run "Apps" !

The phone actually works FOR you rather than dominating you with crapola.

It was great you tried volunteering in a hospital. Shame it did not work out for you. I go litter picking on the moors so tend to not to meet many people but the ones I do say hello and well done so that is good. Good for you being part of a world community. Is there a local NAS branch near you? I wonder if they have any support to help you should you wish to go out somewhere? I have a local autism charity who do befriend clients and we do have meet ups from time to time, one in  a few weeks which should be fun.

I 'm not sure about it using more electricity. Their website  is currently experiencing technical problems.

en.wikipedia.org/.../World_Community_Grid

That's really cool, firemonkey!

You are helping the world in a very real way. All that extra electricity must cost you.

I did try volunteering a long time ago,when first ill. I managed to cope for a week. It was helping out with the hospital library. Going round the wards. I got really stressed because of the social anxiety and not knowing how to approach people and start talking to them.

Nowadays I have mobility difficulties. I've not been out on my own since the falls I had.  Although I've not done voluntary work, I do try and be helpful via participation in the World community grid. Something I've done since 2005.

Hello and wellcome.

You are not a failure. I too suffer with bullying even now as an adult but I had  therapy for PTSD and maybe this would be useful for you? 70% of autistic adults do not get the support they need so you are sadly, not alone. Work is not the be all end all so why not try volunteering in something that interests you? 

I don't know whether this is a psychological effect of bullying related trauma or not. I can go from feeling I'm useless and worthless to  'back against the wall' false bravado/  bragging.

Perhaps sharing here (if you feel comfortable) or with one of your family could help make things clearer and less painful in your mind?  It's awful I know but a member here just wrote the most beautiful post to me which helped immeasurably. 

I hardly use my landline ,or the senior phone I have. Mostly I interact with my chosen family F2F  or via FB private messaging. The only person I regularly email is my younger brother.

Typing is easier, even though my typing speed is about 16 wpm.  There are a couple of things,  one understandable the other trivial,  that are pushing hard on my ' I don't like uncertainty'  button.

Me too firemonkey, it's heart wrenching when dealing with self hate thoughts.  I just spoke and cried with my Mum which helped.  Is there someone you can talk with on the phone or is typing easier for you?

Excellently well said. I agree entirely 

I'm having one of those 'I don't feel right, but I don't know why'  days.

You are definitely NOT a failure.

How about this:

1. You were unable to complete education due to the system not supporting and advocating for your needs and you not realising you had needs.  Your best efforts made you ill.
2. The tasks you do in everyday life to get through are enough without adding a layer of stress caused by a job that does not support your needs.
3. Friends of any form are valuable but it doesn't help the gut wrenching feeling of feeling alone like no one gets you.
4. Put any person in a sensory overload situation where they are unable to pinpoint how they feel or understand the actions of others around them and why they are "getting it wrong" and see how they do..... Everyone who has these feelings deserves support don't you think?