Anxiety at the doctors. Feeling drained now.

I went to the doctors today. Nothing serious just hand irritation. I have bad anxiety and a recent thing I do which I’ve also wondered might be a stim is scratching the top of my hands which unsurprisingly has led to soreness, irritation and taking layers of skin off. At the time it’s a comforting feeling, the aftermath is extremely uncomfortable. But despite this I can’t seem to stop. I only do it when I’m feeling anxious.

Waiting in the doctors was difficult. At one point I thought I would have a meltdown but somehow I remained controlled and focused on my breathing. My appointment was at 4:40 and I was still waiting at 5:15. I got really stressed, thinking they’d made a mistake and forgot I was coming. So I worked up the courage to ask the receptionist and she was really aggressive, told me I wasn’t being patient and no one else had complained. I tried explaining I wasn’t complaining, I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t a mistake. She said she’d call me when the doctor was ready for me.

That upset me. I find talking difficult and uncomfortable so most of the time I’m mute, another unfortunate part of my anxiety disorder. By the time I saw the doctor because the receptionist had shaken my confidence I could hardly speak, my jaw got really tight so I had to write everything down for the doctor, who luckily was a lot more understanding.

I wish people better understood autism. I explained my autism to the receptionist and she didn’t hide the fact she didn’t care. Result: I'm feeling drained and like I'm going to have a meltdown.

On a more positive note the doctor has arranged for me to see a counsellor at the surgery to help me with my anxiety as it’s become somewhat out of control in the last couple of years.

I thought I would say hello as well. My name’s Paige, I joined a few years ago but didn’t give it much of a try as my anxiety put me off.