Published on 12, July, 2020
I have had a stinker one of my lovely neighbours used offensive language about my Sisters OCD and behaved in an insane way with some sand she was putting on some slabs.
She then approached my Sister later and asked why i wear a lanyard and accused me of shaking it at her which I have not.
She appeared to be mocking me about my stimming as well as she commented I shake my hands sometimes.Under extreme stress I shake my hands bit my fingers and talk to myself.it is my way of coping.
These neighbours have caused me so much trouble I have something called a CPW think ASBO from the council as they claim I harass them.The history is I am light sensitive and they were deliberately over ruling outside lights .Also they have piled materials against our shared wall which aggravates my OCD as well as my Autism and have blocked our drive and loads more.
I am in hell and need to know if anyone else gets this level of hostility from so called normal people
Hi - I’m really sorry you’ve had such a dreadful day today, and that your neighbours seem so ignorant about autism, and to not be very easy people to live near to. Awful - that must be so stressful for you and your family. My youngest son has ocd so I really understand some of the issues you mention here. Myself and both my (adult) children are autistic btw. Being as it would be very difficult to control your neighbours behaviour it might be helpful to try and look at your neighbour’s actions and attitudes from a different perspective. Firstly - they obviously lack an understanding of complex issues like autism and ocd. To be blunt - they are possibly not very intelligent and have little insight into their fellow human beings. Their attitude to you and your sister suggests ignorance on their part. So you could say that’s ‘their problem not yours’ - even though their ignorance it does undoubtedly impact on you. Also - it’s likely that they are probably quite unhappy people - because in general truly happy and well adjusted people aren’t nasty to other people. So there is a case here for actually changing your perspective on this to feeling sorry for them - because they are obviously sad, angry and ignorant people who cannot relate to people, or enjoy being kind and friendly to their neighbours. So when they say something unpleasant to you you can inwardly think : “how sad that this poor woman is so ignorant and rude - she must be deeply unhappy and probably didn’t receive much love and attention from her parents’. That way you shift the dynamic to one where you feel pity for this woman, and simultaneously realise that her opinion of you and your sister, and her language towards you - doesn’t matter at all because her opinions etc are not WORTHY of you bothering about them. In this way you can gain some detachment from anything this woman says to you and your sister. Her words don’t matter - because they are just the ignorant ramblings of a very unhappy woman. As soon as you stop caring what this woman says the you are FREE - and her words have zero power over you. Her words will have no impact - they’ll be ‘like water off a ducks back’
Wow thanks so much you have this woman down to a tee.She is very unintelligent and says really offensive comments.I am going to try your way it is brilliant.My therapist said even try and be kind to them and pay compliments .
Thank so much you have made my day with your kindness
Oh I’m so glad - thank you for your very kind words
Re. what your therapist said: I used to work in a place where we had a customer who was incredibly grumpy and a bit rude to the staff - and I decided to be incredibly friendly to him. No one else wanted to serve him - so I always went to the counter when he came in. I was so friendly and cheerful to him and I think he didn’t really know WHAT to do with someone being cheerful towards him - no matter how grump he behaved! And eventually he mellowed a bit - I think in the face of my consistent friendliness he just couldn’t maintain it! I’ve always remembered him - and this was about 25 years ago. He’s probably dead now - he was quite old at the time. Anyway - good luck!
yes the kindness can work I agree