Published on 12, July, 2020
Today I feel somehow sad, somehow out of place, I feel like maybe it would be much better to not know… to not be aware and not identify as an aspie. In fact this knowledge and advice from this forum helped me improve my well-being, helped me decrease my anxiety, helped me deal with situations which cause me stress. All this is very useful for me. But sometimes self doubt and identity crisis is exhausting. This is the price. Looks like I’m not supposed to just relax and be fully happy. Maybe it’s not given to anyone. But today I’m sitting in the cafeteria and wondering how I would be if I didn’t know. Would I have this job, that I actually like and enjoy, or would I end up again as a customer service assistant and suffer from anxiety and overwhelm like before. Just wanted to share some thoughts. Today I feel like I shouldn’t be here like I don’t deserve it although I love this place. I know that imposter is pretty common among us. i wish you all a good day.
Happiness is a fleeting internal momentary reaction, it's not meant to last :)
And imposter syndrome isn't the same a a sense of disconnectedness or a lack of belonging. It's not the same as being naïve or unsure of the self.
Everything you're feeling is normal for all of us. The human condition is riddled with highs and lows and finding where one belongs. Erich Fromm talks about this in his Revolution of Hope. Timeless words. What's different is a thought-process in hyper mode. Perhaps this process could be useful in other ways? I notice myself critically evaluating and problem solving in ways which aren't helpful when I haven't had time to stick my head into philosophical thought well beyond my pay grade... thankfully, there is more to learn than one can in a lifetime. But we do live in a time where every online immersion is demanding we continually evaluate one item: ME. It's very ego-centric!
From what I understand, and due to a difference in communication, all autistics should have a sense of difficulty understanding personal identity. Why we even must have one is slightly overrated. When Jung created his Archetypes and psychology introduced personality types, it was for better connexion, better understanding of differences and potential for being, even for careers. x