Published on 12, July, 2020
Today I feel somehow sad, somehow out of place, I feel like maybe it would be much better to not know… to not be aware and not identify as an aspie. In fact this knowledge and advice from this forum helped me improve my well-being, helped me decrease my anxiety, helped me deal with situations which cause me stress. All this is very useful for me. But sometimes self doubt and identity crisis is exhausting. This is the price. Looks like I’m not supposed to just relax and be fully happy. Maybe it’s not given to anyone. But today I’m sitting in the cafeteria and wondering how I would be if I didn’t know. Would I have this job, that I actually like and enjoy, or would I end up again as a customer service assistant and suffer from anxiety and overwhelm like before. Just wanted to share some thoughts. Today I feel like I shouldn’t be here like I don’t deserve it although I love this place. I know that imposter is pretty common among us. i wish you all a good day.
I know exactly how you feel. I'm not feeling terribly well today so can't put together the words I'd like to to help you feel better, or at least exorcise imposter syndrome like you deserve to be able to (for imposter syndrome is itself the real imposter). If you've found yourself (as I have) in the improbable and fortunate position of a job that you won't burn out in, that keeps you happy, that you'd like to remain in without judgement or some intuited sense of judgemental 'shoulds' from others who'll never understand, then please let that bring you inner peace and don't feel guilty for a second about it. I'm talking to myself here too, of course...
Thank you for your answer! You gave me a lot of relief with your answer.