Hi everyone,
Some of you have heard my self indulgent speeches before, so you will know some of this.
I have been diagnosed a few years ago with chronic long term depression. Been under psychiatrist and therapists and on medication for several years. They do help, but the cycles still come.
i used to self medicate (ridiculous i know) which led me to become an alcoholic cocaine addict.
Tidied myself up a couple of years ago. Recently i have hit a really long low spell, for no apparent reason. Started self harming again and suicidal thoughts came back. This one is particularly bad. I have no motivation for anything.
In a moment of weakness i bought narcotics. That was about 3 months ago and i back using every day again. In secret.
The addiction has got me bad this time. Also im drinking openly but also secretly, so my wife doesnt know how much i drink. Last weekend just on saturday i polished off 2 bottles of red wine, 2 pints of lager and a litre bottle of rum. Im not proud of this. I didnt even pour it. Just swigged from the bottle.
Im feeling really low and lonely today. I really need some kind words if possible.
Thank you