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Not wanting to get better

HMO

I guess this is synonymous with feelings of depression but I think the feelings of grief that I've been feeling for the best part of the year influence this feeling.

Whenever I've addressed it with anyone who isn't my therapist, I usually get a "you need to move on". I know they mean well but it's about the last thing that would actually work for me at this point, even if in my current situation, I am still punishing myself to unhealthy levels.

Lots of self-hatred, to say the least. I have moments when I feel like planning out my future but then I'm like, why bother. The world hates me and thinks I'm a terrible human being, and it's near impossible to change people's minds when they've made them up. I feel like second chances are very rare.

This is a vent, I should caveat. I should also caveat that I'm not writing this to gain sympathy or attention. 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Probably, but I'm likely to just blurt out my entire past so no one else has to do background checks (which wouldn't be hard).

    I know how the world is nowadays; people would rather wipe you off the face of the earth over your sketchy past rather than give you an opportunity to sort yourself out.

    Yes, there are exceptions such as more reprehensible crimes. I think my struggle has been getting people to try and understand it from my perspective, because there's so many layers. 

  • All I’ll say is most of the world doesn’t even know you exist yet and will give you the same chance they’d give anyone else.