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Struggling as an adult

Glitch

I thought being a child was hard enough but adulthood is like a wild rollercoaster ride that I can't get off. Since I turned 18 my life has been so difficult, my parents are in poor health as they are older and it's hard to watch them go through this. My dad was hospitalised with heart problems and though it was a few years ago I remember it clearly like it was yesterday.

I'll tend to remember the bad times more than the good.

All this stress has affected me mentally which they believe led to psychosis and auditory hallucinations, though I'm not sure they've got the diagnosis right. Much of my problems are autism related but the professionals don't get it.

It scares me what my brain can turn me in to. The level of hatred towards myself. It's led to me being sectioned 4 times and I find myself still struggling.

Earlier out of nowhere my dad suddenly had a nose bleed and this was hard to witness and now it's still on my mind. I'll likely never forget this. Things like this play on my mind.

Does anyone else understand this? I really wish I could be a kid again. I miss the carefree days where there was little bad change.

I've got my appointment with my therapist this coming week so at least I'll be able to talk to her but I just wish I didn't feel this way.

  • slightly... i lived with my parents up to age 31 or something, i did suspect their memory was going a bit and i did fear for the possibility of them getting dementia or something but thats likely due to me witnessing my grandparents get that so i did worry of any signs of short memory in them when i lived with them. but yeah i dont think my worries were justified as i myself have short memory and am constantly running back to the canteen from work after break wondering if i put my phone back in my locker or left it on the floor or a table lol 

    anyway i feel i took a very long time to get the ball rolling on my life and to move out and do stuff... i believe you likely have plenty of time, and in any short amount of time you can get massive radical change that will take you by surprise and you wont believe. but i dunno maybe we have to go through struggle and hardship and torment to get where we want to be in the end anyway. maybe its a hidden karma thing where when you suffer enough life then decides you paid your suffering cost of being here and will then flip on the positive action on your life. but yeah things can change fast, wont always be bad but yet i guess worry and over thinking are a thing youd have to put up with.... and in overthinking you could think yourself out of any situation.

  • I feel like school only teaches us about everything except stuff about being an adult such as taxes, laws that would be good to know, what you can get insurance on and so much more. I can understand that some of that came be taught by your parents but have if some form of understanding a little earlier could really help in going from young adult to a functioning adult. 

  • Welcome. Life as an adult isn't easy, especially with the lack of support out there.

    Glitch said:
    I'll tend to remember the bad times more than the good.

    My brain is like that too. The negative stuff I remember vividly and more clearly that what happened yesterday. When triggered it all comes flooding back as if I'm reliving those experiences all over again. I believe autistic people are more susceptible to these type of CPTSD experiences.

    Glitch said:
    All this stress has affected me mentally which they believe led to psychosis and auditory hallucinations, though I'm not sure they've got the diagnosis right. Much of my problems are autism related but the professionals don't get it.

    Sadly most mental health professionals have a very limited and outdated understanding of autism. Misdiagnosis is common and they try and interpret what they observe to fit with conditions they do know about. Autistic people are treated for conditions they don't have and put on medications they don't need. I've had bad experiences with MH services in the past and no longer engage with them.

    Glitch said:
    It scares me what my brain can turn me in to. The level of hatred towards myself. It's led to me being sectioned 4 times and I find myself still struggling.

    Sorry to hear that. MH units are not good environments for autistic people to be in and that in itself can cause further trauma.

    I hope that understanding more about yourself and how autism affects you can lead to much improved acceptance and kindness towards yourself.

  • I do remember my life also changing for the worse when I was 18. The safety blanket of full time education was gone and suddenly I was exposed to the real world, and not remotely prepared.

    I also feel like I've gone nuclear in terms of self-hatred and things like that. It's much easier to focus on the negative rather than risk being disappointed with anything positive.