"Carefully Neutral" - How to Avoid Implications

Everyone can use a good therapist's tool, which is repeating back what the other is saying, "what I think I heard you say was ... am I hearing this right?" 

Ideally, the goal is to invite conversation rather than ignite defensiveness. So, use words which take responsibility for my side of things. Instead of saying You are mistaken, try, how can I explain this better or how can I help create understanding. Or help me understand what I said just now so I can clarify. 

The goal isn't to be neutral, but actively vulnerable, as appropriate to the relationship. By this I mean open & a way of being true to the self and others - not holding back and also not attacking. But this also requires communicating with kindness. If things are getting overwhelming, pausing the conversation and making sure the other knows you need a break to regroup, that you genuinely want to work through this and that they're worth sorting this out with.

One of the most difficult problems is, we live in a culture that is incredibly competitive, humans use language to dominate or dismiss. Often, words are cheap, spoken and forgotten. And it is really difficult to sometimes to convey a thing without the influence of society seeping through. Even accidentally, this is hard to escape and takes a bit of introspection. 

If you can find a way to express a genuine desire to connect in a moment where things go wrong this can then facilitate better reasoning. You might find you're dealing with someone who has simply been spoken down to, over, with contempt and cruelty a little too often. And many of us simply have a great deal of frustration (accessing or understanding) vocabulary to begin with. 

My life has been a continual feed of misunderstanding. Every customer service call is exhausting. Most emails aren't thoroughly read and responded to, add how long it takes me to write them so they're a little more concise. And so on... 

Everyone can use a good therapist's tool, which is repeating back what the other is saying, "what I think I heard you say was ... am I hearing this right?" 

Ideally, the goal is to invite conversation rather than ignite defensiveness. So, use words which take responsibility for my side of things. Instead of saying You are mistaken, try, how can I explain this better or how can I help create understanding. Or help me understand what I said just now so I can clarify. 

The goal isn't to be neutral, but actively vulnerable, as appropriate to the relationship. By this I mean open & a way of being true to the self and others - not holding back and also not attacking. But this also requires communicating with kindness. If things are getting overwhelming, pausing the conversation and making sure the other knows you need a break to regroup, that you genuinely want to work through this and that they're worth sorting this out with.

One of the most difficult problems is, we live in a culture that is incredibly competitive, humans use language to dominate or dismiss. Often, words are cheap, spoken and forgotten. And it is really difficult to sometimes to convey a thing without the influence of society seeping through. Even accidentally, this is hard to escape and takes a bit of introspection. 

If you can find a way to express a genuine desire to connect in a moment where things go wrong this can then facilitate better reasoning. You might find you're dealing with someone who has simply been spoken down to, over, with contempt and cruelty a little too often. And many of us simply have a great deal of frustration (accessing or understanding) vocabulary to begin with. 

My life has been a continual feed of misunderstanding. Every customer service call is exhausting. Most emails aren't thoroughly read and responded to, add how long it takes me to write them so they're a little more concise. And so on...