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"Carefully Neutral" - How to Avoid Implications

Abbie

Looking for advice here. ND folks keep hearing words, sentences and meanings that I never said at all or ever intended. Telling them they're mistaken or they're jumping to conclusions, explaining what I actually mean, using my words more literally... None of these solutions work. If anything it just gets them more angry. Does anyone here know how to go about conversations in a more I suppose mechanical sort of way? One where they won't hear anything more than what I'm actually saying?

Parents

  • I too have this experience all the time! I don't know what they hear but it must be one or two words in any given dialog that they latch onto and forget the rest..Registering only those few words, they fit them into how ever they're feeling at that moment. They are not really listening just emoting. It's the closest to understanding how they think that I've come.

    There's no cure I can find so when they get emotional, I retreat and say "as you like", or "of course you are right, so right I am so wrong, so wrong", or "well there it is.", or an "indeed". In short I do a Jeeves. I just let them be right. Then let silence speak for me. If they slog on I just walk away because I feel attacked at that point.

    it's liberating to know I don't have to argue with someone who's not really listening anyway and who is hooked on the feeling of conflict and will forget the whole exchange in half an hour anyway, while I might otherwise be mulling and musing and struggling to puzzle out just WTF happened for days and nights.

    This is all I'm sure of.

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  • I too have this experience all the time! I don't know what they hear but it must be one or two words in any given dialog that they latch onto and forget the rest..Registering only those few words, they fit them into how ever they're feeling at that moment. They are not really listening just emoting. It's the closest to understanding how they think that I've come.

    There's no cure I can find so when they get emotional, I retreat and say "as you like", or "of course you are right, so right I am so wrong, so wrong", or "well there it is.", or an "indeed". In short I do a Jeeves. I just let them be right. Then let silence speak for me. If they slog on I just walk away because I feel attacked at that point.

    it's liberating to know I don't have to argue with someone who's not really listening anyway and who is hooked on the feeling of conflict and will forget the whole exchange in half an hour anyway, while I might otherwise be mulling and musing and struggling to puzzle out just WTF happened for days and nights.

    This is all I'm sure of.

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