Trying to move on

Hi Laura,

You have already moved on from that bullying.

What you are now dealing with now, is the resultant trauma and self-doubt caused by that old bullying.

I think that distinction is worth remembering......so you can address the actual current "issue" in the best way possible.

If you were still being actively tormented by those asshats who were bullying you, my advice and observations would be different, because then this would be about the "management" of other people.  As it now stands, I think your challenge is with the "management" of your own processing of feelings and worries brought about by "past events."

We cannot change the past - only the present, and the future.

So.....I hope the above is useful to you in a conceptual sense.....but in terms of how to cope NOW....I can only offer you information about what my life has taught me about bullies.  THEY are the ones who can (and normally do) really suffer, whilst the ones who have suffered at their hands / mouths, normally blossom into kick-ass humans who are strong, kind, wise, realistic, balanced, calm and good.

I know that sound ridiculous, but it is what my life history has taught me (and for the avoidance of doubt, I was neither bullied nor was a bully myself......but I am a natural-born observer and assessor.....and "follow-up" on matters that interest me.)  I know of what I speak.

I do know that some people who are bullied don't make it through.  Make sure, dear Laura, that you don't become one of those.  Stay strong, and above all, stay sane please !

Do not worry yourself that you are thinking (a lot) about what happened to you - and why .....personally, I think that is both inevitable and probably quite healthy in many respects.  I suspect the key to feeling better now, is altering "HOW" you think about what happened to you.

So when you think about it now, rather than reversing the clock back to the past, and viewing yourself under attack........try winding the clock forward.  Picture this;

12 years in the future - a gaggle of your old bullies, together at a bus stop.....a bit drunk, very loud and acting like asshats still......and they are starting to goad and get unpleasant with a young couple who are trying to mind their own business. But your old bullies still haven't learned their lesson yet.....that unpleasant and mean asshats get OWNED......so they carry on getting louder and more offence towards the young couple.....bullying them  Finally, one of your bullies aggressively shoves the young couple........at which point, out comes a warrant card (police ID) and all of your bullies are arrested for affray.  Two days later, your bullies are back at their place of work, explaining to their boss that they missed work because they got themselves arrested for "larking around" and how it was "so unfair" and how "we were only having a laugh" and how it would be "ridiculous" to fire them.  At that moment, the daughter of the boss walks in and that daughter is one half of that couple who had been stood at that bus stop.  SWEET, SWEET natural justice !!!  No job, no reference from their past employer to get another one, and a police record.

Those asshat bullies of yours, will get their comeuppance, the longer it takes, the worse it will be for them.  In the meanwhile, you will only be growing stronger each day and becoming kinder, wiser and a better human - and I know this FOR A FACT based on your post above.  You are all right Laura, just please stay sane whilst you continue to process these matters.

Very warm and best wishes to you.

Number.

Hi Laura,

You have already moved on from that bullying.

What you are now dealing with now, is the resultant trauma and self-doubt caused by that old bullying.

I think that distinction is worth remembering......so you can address the actual current "issue" in the best way possible.

If you were still being actively tormented by those asshats who were bullying you, my advice and observations would be different, because then this would be about the "management" of other people.  As it now stands, I think your challenge is with the "management" of your own processing of feelings and worries brought about by "past events."

We cannot change the past - only the present, and the future.

So.....I hope the above is useful to you in a conceptual sense.....but in terms of how to cope NOW....I can only offer you information about what my life has taught me about bullies.  THEY are the ones who can (and normally do) really suffer, whilst the ones who have suffered at their hands / mouths, normally blossom into kick-ass humans who are strong, kind, wise, realistic, balanced, calm and good.

I know that sound ridiculous, but it is what my life history has taught me (and for the avoidance of doubt, I was neither bullied nor was a bully myself......but I am a natural-born observer and assessor.....and "follow-up" on matters that interest me.)  I know of what I speak.

I do know that some people who are bullied don't make it through.  Make sure, dear Laura, that you don't become one of those.  Stay strong, and above all, stay sane please !

Do not worry yourself that you are thinking (a lot) about what happened to you - and why .....personally, I think that is both inevitable and probably quite healthy in many respects.  I suspect the key to feeling better now, is altering "HOW" you think about what happened to you.

So when you think about it now, rather than reversing the clock back to the past, and viewing yourself under attack........try winding the clock forward.  Picture this;

12 years in the future - a gaggle of your old bullies, together at a bus stop.....a bit drunk, very loud and acting like asshats still......and they are starting to goad and get unpleasant with a young couple who are trying to mind their own business. But your old bullies still haven't learned their lesson yet.....that unpleasant and mean asshats get OWNED......so they carry on getting louder and more offence towards the young couple.....bullying them  Finally, one of your bullies aggressively shoves the young couple........at which point, out comes a warrant card (police ID) and all of your bullies are arrested for affray.  Two days later, your bullies are back at their place of work, explaining to their boss that they missed work because they got themselves arrested for "larking around" and how it was "so unfair" and how "we were only having a laugh" and how it would be "ridiculous" to fire them.  At that moment, the daughter of the boss walks in and that daughter is one half of that couple who had been stood at that bus stop.  SWEET, SWEET natural justice !!!  No job, no reference from their past employer to get another one, and a police record.

Those asshat bullies of yours, will get their comeuppance, the longer it takes, the worse it will be for them.  In the meanwhile, you will only be growing stronger each day and becoming kinder, wiser and a better human - and I know this FOR A FACT based on your post above.  You are all right Laura, just please stay sane whilst you continue to process these matters.

Very warm and best wishes to you.

Number.